I spoke recently to someone about our roles as fathers, teachers, coaches, husbands, mentors, counselors, etc...and probably the biggest fear we have is not being good enough dads. His quote "I am just worn out by the time I get home and my kids are good, I just don't want to deal with them being 6 and 3". I understand exactly what he is saying.Our jobs (I am talking about men right now, I understand that women deal with some of the same issues) keep us from being home especially in the winter. When we get home the last thing I want to do is deal with a spoiled rotten kid. We see so many negatives during the day from "bad" kids to kids who are spoiled and do "bad" things. When I get home the last thing I want is to see any of the same type of behavior in my own children. So what I end up doing in the 2 hours I have for them in the day is punishing them....or not.
If I punish them I am afraid that I will be reinforced as angry, mean daddy who punishes us all the time. If I let them get away with stuff then I become the father that allows their children to be spoiled. To be real honest, I don't mind too many things unless my wife gets upset over their behavior (she teaches and deals with the same issues I do) or they throw an absolute fit.
I have always made them my top priority and I rarely take anything from work home. From grading to basketball, it gets done at school so when I get home I am able to mess with the kiddos and then get some decent sleep...or watch game tapes. But as hard as I try, I sometimes wonder if it is crazy for me to want to put them up for adoption (purely a joke, I would never do that).
It is amazing how much you can love someone and yet get so frustrated and yet never want them to be gone. They are the greatest love I have ever had. Nobody's hugs, kisses, or attention is the same. One day....one day they will be grown and gone and I will wish for this time back. One day they will be gone and I will long for this time. One day they will be gone and I will feel guilty for not having read to them that one time I was tired, guilt for not listening to that story one more time, guilt for not dancing with them in the living room, guilt for not lying down with them when they are going to bed, guilt for not doing many of these things that one time when I could have and now I have them no longer.
