relationships

relationships
29 years coaching experience/ 7 years as a varsity boys' basketball coach, now assisting

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Worst Possible Answer

(Theoretical person gets caught doing something wrong) "I'm not the only one!" or better yet "It isn't as bad as what they are doing!"

When caught doing something you shouldn't be doing, it is only natural that we would get defensive. It is natural that we would try to minimize the effect of what we are doing wrong comparative to others. It would be like a husband caught cheating on his wife and then saying, yea, but my buddy does it all the time. It does not minimize what you have done at that moment to that person.

Accept responsibility, apologize, do whatever it takes to move forward and then work on not doing it again. I am not talking about affairs or gambling, or anything, but about everything.

And trust me, I can be the worst in trying to justify my every action, but I'm trying.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

The Selfie World

(that's me in my great grandfather's lap, I look younger then)
We live in a new era, the Selfie era. Such a new word and era that when typing in this blog, it is underlined meaning that I have misspelled it, maybe I have, I could care less.

I have tried to take selfies, I really don't like them. I am not attractive enough to take pictures of myself all the time, but I have tried it a couple of times. The point is that there are so many people taking pictures and videos of themselves (vine) that there is little notice of changes as we change, or age, just trying to be nice.

When I look in the mirror, I still see, relatively, the same guy each day. Sure I am balding, ok bald, what hair I have is grayish, ok gray, and I have gained a little weight around the middle of my body. But I don't see those changes looking in the mirror every day, however, when I see a new picture of myself, I often don't recognize the dude in that pic.

I am not into selfies, so I don't see the "new" me that often but when I do, I wonder how my father sneaked into my pic and if I really look like that guy, how does my wife even look at me. Fat, bald, and gray looking more 65 than 45, at least in my eyes.

Aging isn't really that bad for me, until I see myself in a picture. Then I wonder how in the world I became an old man over night.

Monday, October 27, 2014

Coaching Your Own Children

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I have watched others coach my own children for a few years and they have had very good coaches, but I know that I have something that I can add to their teams. So I have decided to coach as much as I can.

Recently, their 5 week basketball leagues finished and I was coaching four games a day. Thankfully, I have help with my son's team as Borden's Doc Nash helped as his two sons were on the team also, and I enjoyed doing it.

Could I have done a better job by having practice?  Probably, but I didn't and we were able to compete. Brandon's team wasn't as good, but Maddie's team won all but one game and they won their tournament.

It isn't about being in charge, it is about passing more of my values and beliefs onto my children by coaching them. Some will agree and some won't, but it is what I have chosen to do and I enjoyed it, though coaching my son was a little more challenging than my daughter.

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Thursday, October 23, 2014

As You Age


I wonder how much longer I can do what I do when it comes to coaching. I am a little too involved physically and each year it seems to be less and less because I just cannot do it. From running to playing, to just being lively at practice and games; to running our elementary programs, I never fully realize how bad of shape I am in until we start again.

Just doing simple drills in short bursts leaves me winded. And then two days later, my legs and shoulders hurt and I wonder why. Why? Because I don't do enough physical activity anymore and that ends up being my exercise.

I know I should exercise more. I know I should run, walk, treadmill, something, but my motivation to do so is much less than my knowledge to do it. I am pre-hypertensive when it comes to blood pressure and I know that exercise would help, but I just can't motivate myself and it's sad.

I think I am handling aging fairly well, I am only 45, but mentally as I get older I want to be comfortable. And being comfortable is only really good in small increments. Too much comfort makes us weak.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Mr. Worst Case Scenario


I have been called Mr. Worst Case Scenario a few times in my life. When some issue comes up or is in the news, I think of every possible scenario where it can happen to me. The one time that I downplayed the odds of something happening to me, it did happen which would only reinforce my previous behavior. Call it a personality flaw, my wife laughs at me and rolls her eyes, but it has kept me "safe".  But it has been something I have had to overcome to venture out from that "safety".

I do think it is a benefit in coaching any sport. I think of every possible worst case scenario and try to prevent them from happening. I guess that is why I never relax in a game or "win" until it is physically impossible to lose. Up 10 with 5 seconds left, game over. Up 10 with a minute left, or :45, or :30 left and I am still coaching as if anything can happen and possibly would.

I would rather keep my starters or best players in too long and then sub out when it's over than to have to put them back in the game again. That's why when I usually do sub, I sub everyone out but the best one or two players to make sure there is ball handling, passing, and scoring still in the game.

It might not be right, and I may have ticked off a coach or two in the past, but I am not doing it to rub anything in. I am doing what I think I have to do to guarantee a victory, even up to the last few seconds because I believe that you and your team can do crazy things to beat me. I've seen crazy things happen before and some to me, I don't want them to happen again.

Thursday, October 2, 2014


Parent-Teacher Conferences and Mr. Mom


I know that I have written about how wonderful my wife is before and thanked her for all that she does in our lives, but it gets exaggerated when this time of year arrives.  She is a teacher in an elementary school and for two straight nights, she will be conducting Parent-Teacher conferences with the parents of all her students.

When she does this, I have to do what I do AND all that she usually does for us and our children for two...whole...days!  Let's just say that when those two days are over, she deserves a day off, and I have an even greater appreciation for all that she does.  She really is the real MVP of our family. There is nothing that I can do or say that would out do what she does for me and our kids.

I love her and I appreciate it.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

I Know There's a Balance, I Can See it When I Swing By

(Indiana's John Mellencamp)
That's actually a line from Between a Laugh and a Tear by John Mellencamp, the resident Indiana folk singer who most people have heard of (Small Town, Little Pink Houses, Jack and Diane, etc.).  But I am using it for how you run a program and your expectations for the program.

When you are building a program that hasn't won or there have been discipline and academic issues, you want to have the highest expectations in getting the players to reach for them.  Of course, they still need to be realistic expectations, but you must pull people up to those expectations.

Once you have a program going in the right direction, you want to continue to strive for the highest expectations both on and off the court.

But, and I have never had to deal with this, once you have gotten to a higher level on the court, how do you handle expectations?  Do you make the ultimate goal a state championship each year, or do you concentrate on being the best you can be each day?  Jim Matthews, a great coach I helped with at New Washington H.S. in the late 1990's, used to talk about having as much success as possible in the post season.  There wasn't a goal to win this or win that, but to have as much success as possible.  For some teams that may be playing well for a half, for other teams it may be winning the whole state tournament.

But what about those teams that have the potential for a deep run? Excellence each day? Or focusing on the end result? I don't think either is wrong.  I think if you make excellence your goal each day (shouldn't we do that every year?) it will all take care of itself.  If you make the end result the goal, it really is just looking at the day to day in a different way. If the end result is your goal, your focus, it will force you to concentrate on day to day excellence. But it must be enforced each and every day.  You cannot talk about the end result and then not enforce excellence each day.

There has to be a balance in dealing with this issue, but I am not sure I know where it is.

So what was this article about?  Me thinking out loud and still not sure if I figured it out yet or not.