relationships

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Blogging since May 2009

Monday, May 18, 2015

Thank God I'm an Older Father



I do thank God that I did not have children until I was older. Sure, I don't have the energy to get out in the yard to play with them as much as I'd like to and I will be the old dad at graduation, but it is a blessing to be older. Especially for me.

I am more self-aware of what I am doing wrong when it comes to all aspects of raising them, but especially in sports. I get too much satisfaction and too depressed if they are not doing as well as I believe they should be; and I am aware of that. Twenty years ago, I would not have been.

I am as nutty as any parent, but I am hoping that being aware that is a huge step in the correct direction. I want my kids to play sports because they want to, not me. I want them to have fun by competing and trying to the best of their abilities.

I need to back off even if it is just being silent. Negativity by me only compounds how they are feeling when they don't play up to what they want to because they are like their parents, hard enough on themselves.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Garbage In, Garbage Out


Growing up, I often heard the term "garbage in, garbage out". What you put in your body or your brain is what your body or brain will become. If you eat junk, your health will suffer. If you watch or read nothing but junk, then your mind will suffer.

It really makes sense.

But I've noticed something else in our new and "improved" age of social media, and it's a reverse of that above saying.

Garbage out, garbage in.

If you post negatives all day on the Internet, the "garbage out", you will receive lots of negativity back to you. Maybe it's what you want and maybe what you actually put out there is not garbage, but what others need to read. But you cannot be shocked or dismayed if you are attacked.

I guess you can be dismayed because it can be depressing to realize so many do not think the way you do and really you can feel any way you want, it's a free country...at least for awhile. But by spewing your "truths", you need to examine what you are putting out there. Maybe it's righteous words of truth and maybe, just maybe it's garbage.

Garbage out, garbage in.

If you decide that you are going to be the world's solver of all problems, or the solver of problems of a high school basketball program or college basketball program, if you descend into condescending attacks towards anyone who disagree with you,  you are putting garbage out. Sure, it might make you feel better to take the low road, it's easier, but by doing so you've descended into the muck and the mire of the world. And you can best believe, they will sling, sling, and sling some more. And maybe, you are the slinger when you think you are the slingee.

But what I've noticed is that those who are doing the "garbage out, garbage in" really don't start with garbage out. They are products of garbage in and they are angry and ready to strike. Maybe it's legit anger and maybe it's because of their unrealistic expectations.

Which do you choose to be? I try...I try to put more positives out than negatives, but some times accountability and the "truth" comes off as negative. Then you choose to learn and continue the good fight, you choose to be silenced, or....you descend into ignorance.

And don't we owe our children, others, and ourselves to keep from descending into that realm of ignorance? I think so.

Monday, May 11, 2015

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words


Ok, so maybe not a thousand words, but the above picture is worth a couple hundred. Strike that, it is worth thousands of words, books should be written about the above picture, but I will keep it much shorter than that.

This past weekend my daughter's travel softball team went to Ceraland Park in Columbus, Indiana and won a tournament. They've won some previous tournaments, they've been together for a couple of years and you can see the improvement in the individuals as well as the team. This weekend they won 6 games in two days going undefeated and winning most games rather easily.

After tournaments like this many go out on the field and take pictures whether they've won or not. This day's championship was played on Mother's Day and after most pics were taken, we got the mom's behind the daughters for a good Mother's Day picture.

And the picture screams what is right and wrong in this world. I've often said that just about every single problem in our country can be taken back to the breakdown of the family. And here you have a team picture with every mother there at the tournament watching their strong daughters win. These are all Title IX mothers (the law passed mandating women equality in sports) who had the chance or did play some type of sport growing up.

And who is taking the picture? The Dads in most cases. Not all could be there and that's not a problem because they've been to many other tournaments. But the family support of these girls individually and collectively says a lot about their future successes.

I teach social studies so I am not naive to think that the socioeconomic status, the location of where these families live, etc has an effect on their successes. These young women are also successful in the classroom and with their behavior, but you can look at these mothers and their fathers and all of them have worked to be successful and offer opportunities for their children. They have taken advantage of whatever advantages they could to help their children be successful.

But it's still early, these girls are 11 - 9 years of age. That's a lot of growing up to do and the most traumatic times are approaching (the teen years), but with their families and especially strong mothers that are pictured here, these young women already have a few steps ahead of their counterparts.

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

The Deckers' are Friends of Mine



By the time I am finished writing this, I will have upset quite a few people and maybe lost some friends, and I am sorry if that happens. But maybe that says more about you than me. I have remained silent publicly long enough.

The Decker family are friends of mine. They were before March 2, 2012, but are more so since. It has nothing to do with their "fame", but more of a shared experience of living through an EF 4 tornado. Sure, I am sure you are sick of me talking about it, too. Go elsewhere then that's the great thing about this country, freedom of choice.

But I hear too many negative comments about the Decker family, specifically, Stephanie. Stephanie is the mother who protected her children when the tornado tore through her house in Henryville, IN. Since that day when she should have died, she has done all that she can to provide positive experiences for her family and to help others in similar situations.

Some things I have heard since that day.

1. She didn't do anything anyone else wouldn't have done.
That's true, hopefully, but she was there and she did it and it almost cost Stephanie her life and it did cost her two functioning legs. I am sure she would trade in her notoriety to have her legs back, but maybe not because she is using this horrible situation to help others.

2. I am sick of seeing her in the news.
Do you think she chose for a tornado to destroy her home and take her legs? People react differently to any situation, she has chosen not to remain silent (if you have, that's your decision also a respected decision) and by keeping her name and experience in the media, she has raised thousands, if not millions, of dollars. That money has helped the community of Henryville and children through her foundation receiving prosthesis to play sports.

3. She's not from our community.
Stop, just stop. See #2.



4. I never liked her before.
I knew Stephanie before the tornado and I know her now. She has changed. She smiles more, she takes time to listen more, she admires the accomplishments of so much more than what happens in her own little world. I thought before the accident that she was a good person, but was laser focused on different things. Today, she's different. She's still laser focused, but she seems to have more of an appreciation for others and for life.

5, She gets too much attention and stuff.
I don't know about you, but I have to get up and use the bathroom in the middle of the night. I've gotten up sick before. I have gotten up in the middle of the night for sick and crying children. No matter how bad I get with age, I will still be able to walk, maybe much slower. Now imagine not having legs. How much work is it to do anything? We point and see the "positives", but the negatives are not in the spotlight. They are in the mundane details of every day life which is hard WITH two legs.

I am sure I could answer more comments, but it is ridiculous. There are many other people who have dealt with serious situations from that day including my Aunt Lenora who lost her husband, but Stephanie was thrust into the spotlight. She could have stepped back and lived her life quietly, or she could do what she has done...improve the lives and conditions of others through this horrible experience.

Monday, May 4, 2015

Most Games Aren't Won...



Most games aren't won, they're lost. I've been playing or coaching organized sports for 40 years (I'm 45), and there is one constant that you fight against. Making unforced errors.

No one can be perfect, I wouldn't expect them to be, but the easy play, the pitching and catching, the making the correct cut or blocking out, those are things that you cannot do enough of. If you can minimize mistakes, you won't ever totally eliminate them, you have a better chance of winning than your opponent does.

I watch my children playing now and see it even more. Just do what you've done many times over and you will win. If you don't some, it will be close. If you never do, you will get blown out.

On the flip side, you must take advantage of the mistakes of the other team. You cannot be "nice" until the game is comfortably out of range, and for some that's more or less than others. I've seen too many games where one team starts being nice and it gets close or they even lose.

You must have class, but the goal is to win...or not lose.

Friday, May 1, 2015

Parts of The World of Coaching According to Me



Yea, parts of the world of coaching according to me, this is my blog so of course I'd be somewhat narcissistic.

But what I've found especially with my children now learning different sports is that the "fun" things, the actions covered on SportsCenter and oohed and ahhed over at games are often times the things we try to teach kids not to do.

Home runs and blocked shots are accidents.

They aren't skills that most normal human beings should try to attain. They should be more occupied with taking a good swing or playing position defense, yet those two things are exciting.

And dunks...dunks, my son's favorite players are often dunkers with few skills, but they are exciting.

And those things set back coaching and parenting when it comes to teaching your kids to play.

Really, just my son, my daughter, like most girls, listens and tries to do what her coaches tell her.