A lack of an open mind is one reason we get angry. I am not saying that you have to believe what everyone else does around you, in fact, if you disagree it shows that you are an independent thinker. What I believe helps in relieving anger is to at least be open to the fact that some thought has gone into the other person's beliefs. Again, you can continue to think they are incorrect, but understand that many people don't have knee jerk beliefs.
Being defensive is another reason. Due to our lack of confidence in ourselves or our beliefs, we get angry because it helps us keep people at arms length. If we do that, they cannot understand that we don't really know anything about what we claim to be highly intelligent about. Plus, I think it gets combined with my next point. But overall we get too defensive I think because of our self centeredness (is that actually a word?)
Feelings of inferiority or being treated unfairly. Definitely good reasons because even though it might not be true, you may not be inferior and you may not be being treated unfairly, but often perception is truth. "If I perceive it to be this way, then it is that way and I don't like it!" The only way to not be angered in this situation is to understand that the issue isn't about you, but about the person doing these things to you. But we often feel that we need it to be known, publicized, so we can clear up the issue or feel better about ourselves.
Jealousy...how often have I gotten mad throughout my life because of this! I am angry because this person got something that I didn't "it's not fair" (my own children say this too many times). The only way to understand this is to understand when you are worrying about something you can't control (which is essentially the root of all anger) and try to control yourself. I have tried for myself and for my own children to get them to not worry if little Johnny was doing the same thing and didn't get the same punishment. I have tried to forget blaming others for things they do or don't do and understand I can only control my reaction to them. It isn't easy....at all.
We are spoiled. We are not used to not getting our way. We are not used to people bending or changing for us because it is convenient for me. It might not be easy, convenient or anything else for anybody but me, but this is how it should be and if it isn't, I am upset about it. We need to realize that many factors go into any decision a leader makes. I often think about some of the decisions my administrators make and question them, then I understand that 1. I don't want their job, and 2. I can't understand every aspect of their job.
Selfishness....see all of the above. Plus, we too often make any given situation about ourselves. There are rarely times as a coach that I have sat and thought for no good reason that I am going to make a situation unfair on a player. It just doesn't enter my mind. However, perception often equals reality and we have to be aware that we could be conveying that by our actions. Many times it comes down to me as a coach to be open minded and to not be selfish because the "my way or the highway" menatlity isn't always needed.
But ultimately it all derives from some sort of frustration. We can't control another person's thoughts or beliefs. We can't control a given situation because we are not in charge and it's not how we would do things. Control, control, control...many of us especially leaders have control issues. We have to learn to let go, we have to learn to listen, we have to learn to be empathetic, we have to learn there are many different ways to get to a conclusion or to solve a problem.
These are my ideas and I could be way off on some of these and probably missed a few other reasons, but I think this gets to the root of it. I think a lack of communication also creates anger. As a coach, I am not above changing or manipulating practice if a large group of our players want or need to do something else, especially on Saturdays or holidays.
I have found that when I am angry it is often for no good reason. It is because I have control issues. It is because situations are not going as I believe they should. It is in those times that I try, let me reiterate that, I try to remember I can't control everything or everybody. And often I don't want to be in a situation to actually do that as when you do make decisions and have control, somebody is upset no matter the decision that is made.
