I often wonder what kind of influence I am making, call it the self-reflective part of my nature. I am not the kind of person who drives towards a goal, not looking in the rear view mirror to see what kind of damage I have caused. I definitely am someone who wants to be successful in all the ways that the world measures you by, but am I having a positive influence as well? And isn't that what's most important?
Being a coach is being part disciplinarian, part social worker, part basketball aficionado, part friend, part coach, part....well, you get the picture. Measuring that balance among all of these items is a constant thing that I monitor. Am I too easy? Am I too hard? Is it just right? (Never).
I try everyday, though fail often, to live my life with integrity and honesty. When I first started coaching, I have often said, I was about as hard as you can get. I feel as if I should apologize to some of those first teams. I didn't know what I was doing, so I wanted to be a hard ass and have complete discipline. It is kind of embarassing looking back on it. When I became a teacher, you get to know the students in a different manner, and realize from where some of the actions develop.
You hope that if you lead your life this way with integrity and acknowledging your short comings that it will rub off on those guys you spend so much time with. "Those guys" are the basketball players and often many of the students in my classes. I am sometimes told by students that I have influenced them to become a teacher, to become a history teacher, to become a coach, to work harder, etc. I enjoy hearing that, but wonder if I really am positively influencing them.
I have to be honest...when I hear that a student who claims that I have been a positive influence does something that I don't approve of or would never think about doing, I have three different reactions. The first is that of the old me, the hard me...I want to disavow my contact with that person. The second reaction is a heart breaking letdown that if I had any positive influence on that person, how could I have let them down by not keeping them from doing what they did. Finally, I try to understand that often kids do really, really dumb things. We all did, heck, I still do and I am 40 years old. So, my reaction and feelings are a mixture of all three of those things.
So, when these actions occur, I reflect. What am I doing wrong? What could I have done to stop it? Is it me at all? Was that person lost and I did everything I could? Do I need to change something that I am doing? Sometimes I do try to make an adjustment or a complete change...sometimes, it's just not me.
So for every single person who is reading this (yea, you), what kind of influence do you have? Are you a positive or negative influence? Do you reflect on your behavior and I don't care if it is coaching basketball or just living your life. My father once told me in my idealistic youth..."you cannot change the world, but you can change yourself. You can be a good person, and raise children to not be racist and sexist, and in those small changes you can make a difference in the world."
What kind of difference are you making and if you are making a negative one...what are you doing about it?
