When I started coaching, I made sure to have a rough, tough exterior, the "I don't care what anybody thinks and I will do what I want" coaching attitude. I did that because to be honest, my feelings can be hurt easily sometimes and I wanted to keep people at arms length. As I coached longer (23 years of coaching one sport or another) I changed, thank God. But with experience, I reflected on what I hope I do as a parent of an athlete or other activity.
Following are ten things that I hope I do as a parent due to my experience as a coach. The list is numbered, but it is not ranked in any order of importance.
1. I hope I don't speak badly about the coach in front of my children or online. It does a couple of things. It hurts the authority that the coach needs to have over the team and my child, but it also causes bad feelings between someone I hope my children can look up to. The last thing any team needs is a player to start spreading the propaganda of mine to other players and their parents. It does zero good for the team. Speaking ill of a coach online puts people who don't know the entire situation in potentially bad positions.
2. I hope I work with my kids at home and let the coaches coach at practice and games. There are enough voices in my kids heads at practice and games, the last thing I need to do is to add another one or God forbid one that contradicts what the coach is trying to do.
3. I hope I don't allow my kids to complain about their coach at home. If they aren't playing or getting shots or whatever, I hope I follow up with questions like "You are playing, what have you done to take advantage of it?" "How many shots have you put up today?" "Are you working as hard as you possibly can?" I am going to guess that the answer to that last question will be "no". My kids will be like all others, complain before thinking, it is my job as a parent to get their heads straight even if mine isn't.
4. I hope I have a relationship with all of my kids coaches. Of course, that relationship will be predicated on what the coach wants it to be. But I hope that if I ever do have a problem with a coach that I will speak to that coach and try to resolve a problem before going to his superiors.
5. I hope the only reason that I have great dislike for one of my kid's coaches is because of physical abuse or verbal abuse laced with profanity. Because I have coached, because I realize how frustrated it can be to get a group to do what we are trying to do, I hope I can understand the intensity of a coach.
6. I hope that I understand that my schedule stops during my kid's season. I hope I can teach my children that when they are part of a team or group that they have a responsibility to that team. My own personal schedule and what I want to do must stop so that my child does not cheat the coach or team because of what I or my wife want to do. We both played and have both coached, so we will know that once our kids are in season, we won't be going anywhere. Lord willing, one day they will be gone and we can do what we want, plus there are plenty of opportunities to go in vacation in July/August or even out of season.
7. I hope I teach my children that practice is important. If we got out of bed only on days that we felt good, we would stay home a lot. My kids need to understand that they go to practice unless they are just physically not capable and that means something much different to me than it does others, I think.
8. I hope I teach my kids to speak up. I want them to speak up to the coach, to the team all within reason and respect. I don't want to have to go to a coach about any single issue unless my child has taken control of the situation and hasn't been given a sufficient answer. And when asking a question or wondering about a situation and asking a coach there are many options not just what I foresee being the answer, so I need to be prepared for an answer I don't like and then (see #1).
9. I hope I support the team and not just my child. When I go to watch my child's team play, I hope I can say that I didn't come to watch Madison/Brandon score, I came to watch the team win.
10. I hope I help the program before they play and support after. I hope that I can show my children how important it is to support the programs they might play in before they actually play, but also that program will help my children grow, I hope I support it after they leave. I don't want to be the parent that doesn't care about a program before my own children play, then become a pain while they are playing, then not care again after they are gone.
I understand how hard it can be a parent of an athlete/band member/drama person. I know that many of the things we do, we do because we love our children. But I hope, I hope, I can follow these 10 things, but I know, for sure, going into it that I will fail. It is then when I will have to decide what to do next, fix or deny. Because I coached for many years, I know what can be good or bad for a team and it should start in my home.
