I am a coaches advocate. I will defend many coaches to people just because of my experiences and what I have dealt with. Usually, it is in discussing something with someone who hasn't been in those situations before such as a fan or student. That doesn't mean they are wrong or that the coach is right, but I am trying to get them to see the situation from a different view point. Sometimes the situation is too emotional and I refrain, then I just listen.
However, if a coach does one thing, they automatically lose any credibility with me and that is taking something they are going through out on the players on their team. I am talking about some situation that involves parents, students, or fans of the team and of individuals on the team. It is really hard to decide if what the coach is doing because of that off the court incident with a parent, adult, or fan of a team, but they (the coach) knows why they do what they do.
If it does come out that a coach doesn't intentionally play a player or disciplines them because of their parent; that is wrong and the sign of a bad coach. Often the kids cannot control their parents and even sometimes they don't agree with how their parents are behaving or what they are saying. In my opinion by doing this, and it can be easy sometimes in some situations to consider it, you are falling or diving down to the same level of the person who is causing an unnecessary problem.
It is important, I believe, as a coach to remember that when dealing with difficult situations it isn't about you...or the person combatting you. It is about helping the individual involved (player) and the team all together. You must set aside your personal feelings (really, really, really hard) and deal with the player as if nothing else is going on. We are expected to do this anyway, but coaches are people and it is human nature to strike back, either verbally or in a more passive-aggressive way by taking it out on their child.
By doing something as ridiculous as holding something against a player because of the words or actions of a parent or fan, probably makes you into what they think you are anyway. You have to rise above your perceptions and remember you are dealing with kids, sometimes those on the team, and sometimes those that are....not on the team.
