I am a Type A personality. I am my mother's son. The only way I can explain it is that there seems to be something inside of me SCREAMING ALL THE TIME!!!! I have a real problem in dealing with situations or people that aren't the way I think they should be or act the way I think they should act. I have come very far in my 41 years. I have learned to let go of much and I have learned to keep things in proper perspective, in fact, many people think I am pretty easy going...most of the time. But I often wonder if all the stress and anxiety I am under, even though I don't show it outwardly all the time, that it isn't going to show up in some way.
I had something that scared me pretty good today happen. My heart has had some palpitations, but nothing I haven't felt before and nothing I hadn't told my doctor about which he brushed off as natural. This morning, my blood pressure was high, from what I was told later, too high. I had it taken three separate times in spaced intervals and it hadn't gone down. So with the palpitations and the high blood pressure, I called my doctor and wanted to get checked out.
As I was talking to a friend of mine in the hallway prior to one of our classes, I started to feel funny. I went into my classroom and sat down, and at that moment, I thought I was going to pass out. I got up, told the students to call the office, I was on my way and that I might pass out. As I got to the hallway, I was fine, but about halfway to the office, I started to feel that I might go down again. So now I am scared at what is going on and confused...am I having a heart attack?
I went to the elementary nurse, and my wife came and took me to the emergency room where I was checked out rather thoroughly and sent home wearing a heart monitor. So what happened? To be quite honest, I think I have arythmia or high blood pressure, they are both genetic as are panic attacks. In my self diagnosis I think I had a panic attack in my room and the hallway. I am not sure, and I am not ashamed if it is because many people suffer from it.
I am pretty mentally tough and to suffer something like I did today and to think it might be psychological is somewhat troubling to me. What does it mean? Why did it happen? Is my thinking and blogging about it making it worse? Who knows? And I am not trying to worry about it. My only concern is that my children are taken care of and happy, I have a wonderful, loving wife and many good friends. Yes, there are going to be some things that drive me up a wall, but I need to let it go even more, I guess.
Thanks to everyone who was concerned, but I am all right. I plan on being around for a long time, but I can't guarantee it will happen. I will TRY to let more go, and TRY to enjoy the moment more, and TRY not to be frustrated at things I can't control.
