Friday, March 21, 2014
Anyone Else LIke This?
There seems to be a constant...something...inside of me that keeps me from feeling completely fulfilled. I will say that my relationship with Christ has helped so much. I used to fill up the hole with alcohol, basketball, or something else, but now I know I have him to walk with.
But many times I feel that even though I have a beautiful/great wife, wonderful/healthy/athletic children, a great job with great students, help with a great coach at a great school coaching the sport I love the most, I still feel I am chasing something some days. I feel under attack and wonder if it would not be better just escaping from this world. Whether it be in the mountains of Montana or just dropping out and doing the bare minimum.
What is it? What am I lacking? Why can I not be happy and content in all things especially when things in my life are so wonderful? Again, I have absolutely no idea where I would be without my relationship with Jesus. Probably like many of my Hunter forefathers...full blown alcoholics.
Then there is the guilt I feel when I feel sorry for myself. There are so many people, soooooo many who have it worse than I do and would love to have my life.
But I realize that I am this way. I realize that it is something that I deal with. I am not hiding it, and I try not to portray anything on this blog other than who I am. This is me. I struggle some days....a lot. Even though I am so blessed by God with so many gifts.