Who is My Neighbor?

 I guess I am confused.

We as followers of Jesus are told to love our neighbor as we love yourself, yet I do not see that in action including my own guilty self.

Who is our neighbor?

In the story of The Good Samaritan....this exchange is made with Jesus.

He knows he must follow the Jewish law – love your neighbor as yourself – and so he asks Jesus, “Who is my neighbor?” ... When Jesus asks which of these three – the priest, the Levite, or the Samaritan – acted as a neighbor to the robbed man, the lawyer answers “The one who showed him mercy.”

The one who showed him mercy was the Samaritan. Samaritans were often looked down upon by the Jews in Israel so Jesus using a Samaritan as the "good" guy in this story, it hits home hard to those listening

So who is our neighbor?

It's literally your neighbor and it's every single person on the planet.

From women, to men, to LGBTQ people, to foreigners (both legal and illegal), to people of other religions, to the good, to the evil, to those serving in prisons...it's quite literally every single person on this planet. Blacks, whites, Natives, atheists, Communists...I could go on and on describing people, but I would hope that everyone would be sufficient for us to understand.

Yet, we are divided unless something major happens in which we unite (think 9/11 or a tornado ravaging an area, or a hurricane). Why does it take that?

But I am like you, too. 

At what point is too much?

I mean, if we let everyone into this country, eventually it will ruin the lifestyle that we have including those who are coming in.

If we love even those who wish to over throw our country and change it in the likeness of somewhere else, we could very well lose the freedom to love everyone, to help others.

Where does righteous anger and action come into play where we are not violating our faith while still protecting it and our lives?

I don't know the answer to that question.

I do know that my own personal feelings will not change the way I treat people. In fact, I am more inclined to be short, rude, and angry with those closest to me like family and friends than I am to the...well, the Samaritan.

And I am willing to be that how I treat others will not change my country very much before I die...I dunno. 

But I do know it's a battle that wages within my heart and I hope that when I fail or am wrong it's because I am loving too much. 

And that my actions turn the eyes and focus on Jesus and not away from Him.

I'm Climbing

Look, I cannot begin to understand what kind of psychological trauma each person is going through. For some, it's obvious, we can see it, for others they do a great job of burying it so they can hide. But I'd be willing to guess everyone is going through something, something that could be very hard. I guess, I can only guess because I do both. I often make it obvious, too often with my own family, but I also bury it deep down inside to try and put on a good front for "the world".

I know the deep dark secrets of my life and the less than perfectly glamorous family life we lead and then see the pictures of me online with the smile, that my students look to me for help and I am wandering more aimless than they are most times. I see the fraud I am through the eyes of people who look to me for help. Worse yet, I see the fraud I am through their eyes and what my own children see too often.

I've been struggling lately. My mother in law and sister in law have dealt with health issues, my wife is being strong for them and I am hoping I am helping. My son is a 13 year old boy who I can be too rough on and my daughter is dealing with the pressures of life. And because I cannot control everything for them, I get too frustrated, too angry, and to...uh...unhelpful in trying to teach life lessons. I've often said that we will all screw up our children, I just hope I don't screw mine up too much.

Life is hard, life is not perfect...I am not perfect and I fail too often. I am looked up to with the eyes of people who think I have it together and I am too often floundering either not living up to someone I love's expectations or even to my own minimum expectations. I then enter the valley of depression because of it and as I start to work my way out of how I feel that I've let others down, I climb to the top of feeling good about what I'm doing and then I cannot control myself as someone shoves me off the cliff to fall flat into the depths of helplessness.

I wonder what others do who invest their whole lives in themselves. They choose not to believe in anything higher than themselves because when I am at my worst is when I really remember that my hope doesn't come from me, or my behavior, or anything or anyone in this world....it comes from God.

So where am I now? I am climbing trying to be a good husband and father, both I would give failing grades recently to my behavior. My self-awareness in this pains me in how far I can fall and how bad I can be as a dad. It weighs on me heavily and affects most everything about my life including my health. So I write this to get it off my chest

I Love My Maddie Girl

This past Saturday, our volleyball team played the #1 team in the state in the state tournament. Whoever won that game would play the next weekend for the state championship. Indy Brebeuf is a really good volleyball team and would probably beat us 9 out of 10 times if we played that many times.

So the whole week leading up to this and my speech to the girls was that they needed to play together and then they would have to fight...they would have to compete...they would have to not let up no matter what was happening. Make Brebeuf earn their victory if that should happen.

The whole team did this and we lost in 5 sets. Brebeuf was shocked that we were in a fifth set, as we were down 0-2, then won the third and fourth sets.

When the match was over, our girls were upset and that is how it's supposed to be.I told them at the end I wanted to see tears, tears of victory or that they had fought so hard it hurt...a lot.

As Maddie walked out of the locker room, I knew she would be hurting and she was.

She was distraught, crying, and hurting and I hugged her.

One of our friends snapped the above picture and I think it encapsulates what we do as parents.

Let them out on their own to live and learn, and we are to always be here to celebrate or console, whichever it requires.

I love her and I am so proud of the woman she has become.

Cornerstone Hoops Board of Director Kristen Mattox Cox Inducted into Indiana Basketball Hall of Fame

 NEW CASTLE - The 2020 women's induction class of the Indiana Basketball Hall of Fame in New Castle has been announced. This year's honorees include a former Indiana Miss Basketball, a former WNBA Detroit Shock player and a three-year starter and tri-captain at the University of Indianapolis, who fought through both knees being reconstructed and six total surgeries.

The Class of 2020 will be recognized during a ceremony April 25 in Indianapolis.

Inductees include:

• Tina (Reece) Bennett, Austin, Class of 1985
• Amy Brauman, Brownsburg, Class of 1991
• Kristin (Mattox) Cox, Charlestown Class of 1992
• Debbie (Benziger) Dudukovich, Kokomo, Class of 1994
• Tiffany Gooden, Fort Wayne Snider, Class of 1994
• Angela Hamblin-Blakely, Class of Gary Lew Wallace, Class of 1994
• Sandy Herre, Benton Central, Class of 1988
• Danielle McCulley, Gary West, Class of 1993
• Erika (McCoy) Robinson, Seymour, Class of 1986
• Stacie Shepherd, Richmond, Class of 1990
• Amy (Walker) Sundt, Bedford North Lawrence, Class of 1991  

Cornerstone Hoops Board Member Inducted into Hall of Fame

We All Need to Grow Up, I Mean Learn

Man, social media brings us together in ways that humankind would have not thought about just a few short years ago. Not only can you talk to people in the same house as you, but family you don't see often, old classmates, friends from around the world and, well, anyone. There is so much good that can come from this contact and interaction, but there is also bad.

I have personally witness at least two situations where an event occurs and before there is but just the smallest and most slanted amount of information is found, it gets revealed and all that read it assume it as truth. And then everyone with a preconceived thought system dog piles onto that little sliver of information. And before you know it, not only is this one thing bad, but suddenly a litany of "bad" things come up using this one situation as a reason for every ill thought you have ever had for the thing or person involved. Sure, I have seen it nationally with presidents and other national leaders, but they aren't "real" people, but it happens to them also.

It's sickening. Some of these situations turn on an instant that is bad, real bad. But before all information is given that little microcosm is shared and it becomes a much bigger issue than what is the bad issue. So I am calling myself out. Never assume that what you read is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Maybe, just maybe there is more to the story and maybe when that comes out and I have jumped to an extreme conclusion, I should apologize or feel bad.

But we don't.

We throw gas on the fire.

And if I find out the truth isn't what I thought it was, then I just don't post anymore, but what I have done is created a forest fire that leaves scars even after I slightly back away from my mess. 

And it only allows for that scarred situation to return again for the next fire because not all of the truth ever gets spread in a way that mistruth does and that will justify my preconceived wrong opinion, yet again as I point and continue the anger, dislike, and half-truths of life.

Ukraine...2021

I was a little lost, I am not going to lie to you. I love to travel, I love basketball and I love sharing my faith and Covid had taken some of that away, internationally anyway. But in the spring of 2021, I could see that Covid was starting to dwindle and it looked like I could maybe go somewhere during the summer. But I did not know where or how I would do it.

Then God stepped in.

One day, I received an email from Todd James, a basketball coach that had been involved with ministry for many years and was now in the guiding part of his career. Guiding coaches to each other.

I had published this book on Amazon and he had come across it and we emailed back and forth and he had contacts. He put me in touch with The Admirals Academy in Vyshneve, Ukraine and God was glorified.

I was given the email of Eugen Pogorelov and I was typing up an email to send him, he emailed me. I responded immediately, shocking him, and just like that a relationship had started because of Coach James, and plans were put into effect.

After a couple of Google meetings with Coach Eugene and his counterpart Leonid Stefanyshyn, the planning of the trip was on. Because Covid-19 was still a thing, and even though I had been vaccinated with the Pfizer shot, I had to show a negative Covid test three days before flying. We had been a part of this pandemic for over a year and I had not felt bad, had not been tested by anyone, but this test was to be administered by me. It was not fun. But it came back negative and I was ready to fly out. I took off from Louisville, Kentucky, landed in Atlanta, then Amsterdam, and finally in Kiev.

There I met the coaches and we got something to eat and I went to sleep ready to begin  the next day. Over the course of the next six days, we did basketball seven hours a day with groups aging from probably 7 or 8 to 14-15. The kids were great, the coaches were, too and at the end of each day of practice, I would give a values lesson (to younger kids) or teach part of The Gospel to the older kids. The players were very good, the level of play was high, and they were attentive most days.

My travels around Kiev sort of shocked me though. I was surprised by the amount of western style clothing and cars there were. It was explained to me that it was cheaper to buy a wrecked car from the US and have it sent to Kiev and worked on than to buy a car in Ukraine. As for the clothing...Amazon. I was told by a parent that they see something they like and they can have it bought and sent via Amazon. The restaurants were good. Of course, all of the fast food restaurants are in the capital, but even some of the nicer restaurants had food that tasted similar to ours.

After saying my goodbyes to the players which is harder than you would think, we had one day left. I had told Eugene I wanted to visit Chernobyl which was not far away. His response “Really?” He had never been. And off we went. 

I can only explain how surreal it was, but you do not understand unless you were there. I remember when the nuclear reactor in Chernobyl exploded, I was probably 16 at the time in the 1980’s. It was a huge global issue that the former Soviet Union tried to hide, but it was so big they could not. They had to evacuate 160 villages along with the larger towns of Chernobyl and Prypiat. Walking around the larger towns was like walking on a movie set with the abandoned home and buildings. And standing where the explosion occurred so many years before was a weighty experience I will never forget.

The next day, I said my goodbyes and boarded the plane in Kiev for the long trip home. Oh, from Atlanta to Louisville, I sat next to Derek Willis. He’s from the Louisville area, played at The University of Kentucky and is playing professionally in Europe. It was a great hour long flight talking to him about basketball and life.

When I got home and thought about my time in Ukraine, I do not know if it is from my travels, or my not being able to travel over the last year, but this experience was the most “normal” travel I have had. Maybe it’s because of a lot of things, but I think God is moving me, and it didn’t hurt that Leonid and Eugene were so good and helpful.

Anyone Else?

                       

(Above picture on the left is how I look, the one on the right is how I feel)

My mind is always at work...and usually not for all the right reasons.

So here we go.

I get up in the morning, I wonder if my wife is ok, how does she feel?

I miss my kids, so I go in and Maddie is fine this morning, thank God, she's a teenage girl and at any given moment things can go south.

If she's not doing well, then I am worried about her and try to talk to her.

Brandon's up, he's not a morning person so I try to get a hug, but usually get pushed away "leave me alone." If only he'd go to sleep sooner at night, but I am a jerk then, too. At least then I can get a hug.

Then I am at school.

Am I doing what I am supposed to do?

How can I fit in and not worry about it without being a jerk or should I just stay in my room today and stay to myself?

I need to show the students that I care because I do, but I am afraid of being too close because it hurts when they hurt.

Am I doing the right thing?

Quit thinking about the past, wishing you were doing something different now, and preparing so much for the future, I tell myself.

What was that text about? Was it sincere or was there something else behind it?

Why am I so insecure?

Why do I put up walls?

Why do I feel it's so much effort to be open?

Why does it feel that when I take steps forward, the world just sucks me back in to being sheltered and alone?

Why can't my mind rest?

During the day, I can think of something that happened years ago and start to get upset that I felt I got wronged...or it could have just happened 5 seconds ago.

Why do I assume so much of what others are thinking or what they mean?

I feel like I can get a read on a crowd, but I have been wrong before, or have I? Was I right and that person or persons are not telling the truth now?

Why don't I get invited to the most simple things with "friends"?

Maybe it's because of what I have written above.

Whew...yes, it's rough living between my two ears.

Some days or weeks are worse than others, but it can be exhausting.

And I just want to rest, to close my eyes, and get away from this moment...right now.

A Good Time Was Had by SC

 

2 Time State Champion

Outside our Hotel in Indy.

Marian University Coach Scotty Heady speaking to the team.

Top 3 scorers in SC history with legendary state keeper George Gerth. (Kooper Jacobi #2, Steve Green #3, and Trey Kaufman-Renn #1)

All four legs of the state tourney in 2021.

SC, IU, Indiana Pacers legend Steve Green giving shooting tips to my son in 2019 and 2021.

State Champions 2021

Steve Green speaking to the team.

The floor at Banker's Life.

If You Didn't Know, Now you Know

What a season 20-21 has been for Silver Creek boys basketball. To go 25-4 and win a second state championship was an amazing ride, but there is so much you do not know.

We had multiple things occur that could have sidetracked this season, but our guys stayed focused. I am going to let you all in on what we went through and not mention any names.

So here we go.

We had a player that had a fractured lower back.

We had a player injure his ankle and started behind, got mono, came back and then tore his ACL.

We had a player that injured his ankle so badly, we did not know if we would get him to play until February. He ended up playing through the injury the entire season.

We had a player that had a pulled groin muscle and worked through it.

We had a player get covid and had to fight through that.

We had a player in a very bad car accident, and continued on.

We had a player who was huge for us this year that didn't know if he liked basketball and played anyway...thank God.

We had a player who hurt his elbow to the point we thought it was fractured, did play with a broken hand, got covid and had fluid drained off his knee the week before semi-state...and yet played and never complained.

And we had a player who had a shoulder injury and weren't sure if he would even play this season.

And this are the things that I know, I am sure I am missing something.

Yet, our guys competed and gave it what they could throughout the season.

This was a hard enough season with covid and all the restrictions, but it seemed like there was something new every week that we had to deal with. And it got to the point that we truly lived the "next man up" to the point that it did not affect us mentally.

In fact, I would argue it made us stronger and if you know anything about our run in the state tournament, we had quite a few games where we willed ourselves to victory.

What a great group of young men, what a great group of mentally and physically tough young men!

Maybe Coaches Need a 24 Hour Rule, Too

I have been coaching for 30 years and I have grown and adjusted through time, experience, and having children as athletes.

One of the smartest things I have ever learned is when coaches at the beginning of the season, tell parents they have a 24 hour rule. If you want to speak to the coach, wait 24 hours and then do so. It takes some of the emotion out of the "confrontation". I would go even further, do not text, talk face to face or on the phone. Texting can lead to big trouble because what is meant may not come off that way.

But as I have watched my children play, lose or play badly, and then watch coaches yell at them and the team, I have come to the conclusion that a 24 hour rule may be good for coaches, too when talking to the team. Now let me say this, I am guilty, guilty, guilty of violating why I think the 24 hour rule should be for coaches, too.

Because we can be emotional after a loss, we can lose our minds and say and/or do things that are not good for the players or the team. I have lost my mind and it made me feel better, but I don't think it does any good. I can tell you that there were times I lost it after a game, went home and watched the tape and realized we played better than it seemed. So then I had to apologize.

Maybe, just maybe coaches should take the 24 hours.

I promise you that coaches often think they know more than any non-coach, and they probably do in many instances, but you can always learn how to deal with people by watching, listening, and experiencing other leadership for yourself.

Are you self-aware?

Do you care?

No to either question above is bad, but the second one would be worse. It shows you care only about yourself, and in the coaching world, a lot of that exists.

But most of us are in it to win and help kids, I know that. And maybe once you get to the college level, that 24 hour window isn't as necessary, I would argue it is, but it's up to you.

So take the 24 hours...or don't. You're the coach and can do things the way you want, and who am I?

Just a parent of athletes who has coached sports for 30 years.

Mental Health is Nothing to be Ashamed of...Ever

I am currently reading, and almost finished with, Drop the Stones by Carlos A. Rodriguez. It is a very good book that will make you think and realize what being a follower of Jesus should be like. 

Rodriguez is bluntly honest about his shortcomings in all aspects of his life which is refreshing.

It is refreshing because he writes about his life and the "downs", but that there are "ups" also, but we all feel "down" at some point.

I have been honest about my own mental health both online and in class, I think it's important to be genuine and honest. I believe it brings support and understanding from those who may or may not know me. Some may disagree, and that is fine, I love you anyway.

After the tornado hit Henryville schools, I went through some major anxiety and depression. And I felt so lost. I have always been a "I can't control what happens to me, but I can control how I deal with it" kind of person and this threw me for a loop.

There are certain events that happen in your life that you will never forget.

One is the night when everything hit the bottom and I walked around my basement completely number and uncaring about everything. I know it was a battle going on in my mind by a demon, the devil, whatever you want to say, but it was the bottom.

I was so worn out that the next morning, I went to Life Springs in Jeffersonville, because I needed to talk to someone and maybe be medicated.

I went, and they were providing Henryville residents 5 free sessions. So I signed up and the woman behind the counter told me:

We will get back with you next week.

I was lost.

I was worn down and had turned to the one place I thought could help me.

I went and sat in my car and felt like I could not go on, and I prayed a small prayer "God help me".

I called my family doctor and usually I have to wait a couple days or even a week or so to get in, but that morning the woman on the other side of the phone said these words "We actually had a cancellation, can you get here today?" Me: "When!?" Her: "How about 15 minutes?".

I cried.

From there my doctor helped me with some medications, and eventually I got in to Life Springs.

And it was wonderful...both of them.

I did not grow up in the church and have a minor in psychology, so I knew how good both of those things were for the average person, so I had not shame.

But I found as I shared my story with deep followers or pastors, they felt a need to let me know it was ok for counseling and medications.

It floored me to think there are people in the church who might not look for help, and may feel ashamed they are medicated.

It's dumb...no, really it is.

And today reading Drop the Stones, I came across this quote on page 124.

Read, believe it, and seek it.

"Therapy is not demonic; taking antidepressants is not a sin; seeing a psychiatrist is not anti-Christian; and those who suffer from mental health problems are not a failure." Carlos A. Rodriguez

By the way, it hit me during counseling, I couldn't control that a tornado went over top of me, destroyed my school and sent me spiraling mentally, but I did control the situation....I asked for help.

Love you guys.

My Failures as a Son/ Brother

When I was younger and we had our first pet, it died and I was distraught.

The pain was numbed by getting another puppy, until it died and it happened again.

Then my grandfathers, both of whom I was close to, died close to each other.

That was it, I have tried to keep an arm's distance from everyone and everything since.

I have had friends, girlfriends, relatives, students, co-workers all die in my life and I have done a good job in pushing that down.

I think that's why I am not as close to my parents and sister because I fear the end for them.

Hopefully, it does not come for a long time, but I have withdrawn from them for many years. 

I had an almost Rockwellian type childhood. Two parents that stayed married, living in a small town enjoying playing and learning about the world around me. Two parents that attended my events and always show their love for me, even when I got a good smack on the rear.

I love my first family, I care about them, I want the best for them, but I am scared of the hurt if I lose them.

Yea, don't even get me started on my wife and kids...I just hope I go before all three of them.

My father is a great man who has done more to help others than any other person I know.

My mother is driven and gave me the desire to compete and be the best.

My sister is a wonderful mother and is always helpful.

I love them very much, and I think that's what scares me.

I Am Choosing Love (Except when competing which is a failure of mine)

I have sat back for the last 16 years and have developed my feelings and thoughts on Christianity and politics.

I really struggle with those two things because as politics have become even more polarized, my opinion usually only tickles the ears of those who think similarly to me.

And too often, my opinion will just push people away from what I believe is the greatest thing I can share and that's the love of Christ.

Yet, if I am not showing it in a public and private manner, I very well could be pushing away from Him.

And I have had it with the growing, ugly head of Christian Nationalism in the the USA.

Sure, I believe that we are a dominantly Christian nation, but too many of us have put too much of our faith in the political leaders of this country.

We claim that God wants this candidate or that one.

We should vote how God would want us to. (Which party? That party that supports the unborn or the one who believes the government should help the poor?)

I do believe that God is all powerful, I believe that God can control anything here, but for us to put so much "faith" in President is alarming to me as I have grown in my faith.

Not only that, we will then vilify a President because he violates his faith's commandments.

Guess what?

We cannot vote in a God fearing leader any more than we can vote out someone we believe who is not.

We can only live our lives, growing in our faith, while helping and loving others...everyone.

We cannot be a church of Sunday only, we have to take those messages into the streets and to online.

Sure, I believe in sin, I believe a lot of people are sinning, but I guarantee that I am right up there with anyone.

But our job is not to condemn, it's to love as Jesus said he loved us....period.

Any of their issues will be worked out after they die, but that's between them and God, not between them and me.

And loving them does not justify their behavior any more than them loving me justifies mine.

It's a tough road, one that I fight every day.

How can I be the love of God and still stand for "right" vs. "wrong".

Let me know if you find out an easy way to do so and remember to be easy on me.

Let's do it...I think!

Covid-19 has sucked for a lot of people over the last year.

We have a vaccine, millions have had the virus, and it seems there's a light at the end of the tunnel in this madness we've endured.

So to celebrate, I am seriously considering a trip around the world.

I have recently started Cornerstone Hoops, and I want to work basketball camps/clinics, travel around the world, share the Gospel, and maybe do it within a month.

Most people do not understand how relatively cheap it is to fly to a country, and to fly around the world won't be cheap, but won't be as expensive as you think.

It's crazy because I just recently came up with this idea, and the details are flying through my mind.

Could I get a sponsor?

I would definitely blog about it, take pictures.

I would definitely share this experience with everyone who would want to be a part of it.

Now...think about the details, raise the funds, and let's do it!

I think. 

You Don't Have to Do It

You don't have to do it.

You don't have to post on social media mean, condescending comments about situations or to others.

We preach to our students so often that what they put on social media will be there forever, and yet we decide it's not equitable to us.

Our lack of humility and empathy as a species will be our downfall.

It's not just humans committing genocide, but how we treat our neighbor.

And who is our neighbor?

It is everyone...online or in person.

Why be mean?

Do you really believe you are changing anyone's minds?

You are hardening their heart, more often than not to where they will never listen or possibly change.

You are writing to the choir with many "likes" and agreeable comments which will give you a false sense of arrogant genius.

It's sad because social media can be used for so much good, but so can anything, but we humans tend to mess it all up.

I refuse to hate.

I refuse to be condescending online because you do not know who you may be sending over the edge.

I refuse to argue online.

I refuse to be like so many others...though, I know I will fail, I will try to put a positive spin out into the world.

It's hard enough without the "fake" online world making it worse.