I Don't Have the Answers, But I Know What to Do

My heart hurts.

Maybe it's my head.

No, it's my soul.

You know the thing you can't measure.

Yet, you're gonna tell me it's the chemicals in my brain.

It's not.

It's the inherent truth that I know this isn't how it's supposed to be.

It's all part of God's plan, so they say.

But I don't get it, and I don't want to hear it.

God either does it or allows it.

But that doesn't mean, I can understand Him.

Why does evil exist?

I have some answers, but they're not good.

As a believer, I have to try to explain it.

But as a non-believer, you have to explain it and everything else.

So I will rely on the understanding that I can't understand it all.

I will lean into the pain and hurt to grow.

And I will do all I can to help those going through the same thing.

Do I have the answers?

No.

But I know what to do.

That is to love, pray, love, help, love, fight, and love.

God forgive us for we know not what we do..... 

Do Something or Please, Please....Just Be Quiet

 I don't love guns. 

They make me nervous. 

They're loud, they're dangerous, and I am not a fan.

Yet, I own one, and I believe that under the 2nd amendment, you should, too.

I have always believed and still do believe that guns are not the problem, it's a rotting to the core culture.

But I am tired.

I am tired of mass shootings.

I am tired of children being murdered for being at school.

And I am tired of both political parties doing nothing.

One side continually points out it isn't the guns fault, it's the people doing the shooting that is at fault, and I agree.

The other side continually blames the other side after one of these things happens and then does nothing saying that their hands are tied because of the other side's beliefs.

Yet. the side who wants something done has been in power before and did little to nothing.

I am not in favor of executive orders for much of anything, but I am tired of the grandstanding.

The current President is of the party who gives speeches and blames the other side of the aisle.

His outraged emotional speech last night was moving....but it's time to do something.

Radical change comes from radical action.

This current President, must enact an exeuctive order banning assault rifles, or he needs to either be quiet or admit, he only speaks to get votes.

It's sickening.

It's depressing.

And we need to do something....

Something............................................................

I Am Tired...but Just for Today, for Now

Today is not a good day. It isn't a bad one either.

But nothing specific going on, just worn out. 

Worn out psychologically.

I feel as if I am doing nothing and feeling overwhelmed all at the same time.

I want to travel.

I want to help.

I want to disappear into the woods.

I want to walk the train tracks and camp out along the way.

I want to go to the beach.

I want to run basketball camps for poor children.

I want to go and stay for a month at a time.

I want unlimited funds so I can go where I want, do what I want, any time that I want.

It is selfish, I know, but I want to be able to give my time and money to those I don't see every single day of my life.

I know I am making a difference, at least I hope I am, here, but the monotony of the every day is....tiring. 

I have tried for the last two years to be positive in negative situations, that even that is "old".

I am tired today of the same, of the me, of who I am and what I can and cannot do.

But tomorrow is another day, heck, I may even be better in a couple hours.

You make of life what you want it to be.

I am tired right now, but I know how special and blessed I am to have the family I do, the job I do, the friends that I do.

Even typing this out has helped some.

Some.