relationships

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29 years coaching experience/ 7 years as a varsity boys' basketball coach, now assisting

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Everyone Wants Discipline Until Its Their Kid




I have been in education and/or coaching for the last 27 years and I have noticed a few things. One of those is that most people want discipline for children and teams until it is their child or their team. I have seen many people through the years who complain that society has gotten weaker and that children should be held accountable until their child is held accountable.

The argument used just....about....every....time is the "there are kids doing worse things and getting away with it and they throw the book at mine for something less" argument. Meaning, they don't really want their child held to a higher standard, the standard they want everyone else held to.

It's hard, I get it. My knee jerk reaction with my kids is that if they get in trouble at school, they will get in trouble at home. I've tried to punish my own children to such an extent that when the teachers or coaches find out at school, they will not punish them for petty things. Yea, I know, that sounds like the parent I am writing about and it is to some extent.

But it has less about what students get away with and more about what teachers punish. Some of it is petty, but a phone call to me is better than what some of them do. But I do take care of it. Poor behavior will not be tolerated, I don't care what it is and yes, I will punish them on top of what they've gotten at school.

And it carries over into athletics. I can promise you that coaches can make mistakes on personnel, but I also know that they want to win. Yet, many parents are all about the "team" until their child isn't being used correctly for the "team". Suddenly, it's everyone else's fault other than the fact that their child may not be good enough. They are good enough to play and in a different place or position, but the coaching staff doesn't feel the way the parent does.

And we as friends are rarely honest with parents. If I have a parent that is upset about their child and I am friends with them, I risk losing a friendship so I am not as honest as I need to be. I personally have tried to be as honest as possible without being rude, but it's hard.

It's hard because I don't like for honesty with me at all times. It hurts sometimes and is rarely liked, but sometimes needed.

I want it to be known that I struggle with this as parent all of the time. Do I have my parent goggles on when talking about my children or am I on the right track?

I wish more people would be honest when I complain.