I try to be a self aware person. Always thinking and thinking about my thinking, yea, it is more complicated to explain than it actually is; I am a simple kinda guy. But one of the things I have found as I have gotten older is what does anything mean in the grand scheme of things.Basketball...I/we put so much time into it that it is bound to hurt when the success, as defined by the world, doesn't come or come quickly. You are bound to grow frustrated, angry, and have feelings of doubt.
I told my wife last night that I feel the last two years, I have taken too long to find my balance on the season. Last year, we had a returning group of guys and I may have been too laid back. I enjoyed everything about the young season except for a couple of losses, that to be honest, were going to happen unless we played much better, earlier than I thought we could.
And this year, we had few guys back (only one starter), and I may have been too hard on them. Practice was not fun, and the games have not always been fun. In our 2 wins, we played just bad enough to keep games close and in our 3 losses, well, they haven't been close.
So what does it all mean in the grand scheme of things. Probably that I am not a very good coach and that I am struggling to find what this years team will be. I am probably worrying too much about how it will make me look which is entirely an incorrect feeling.
I can say this if the guys will work hard like they have in 10 of our 20 practices and 2 of our 5 games, then I will enjoy the year...win or lose. If they don't compete and strive to improve, I am afraid that I will lose my perspective on the importance of what I do.
All too often, however, something happens to smack your face and get your attention. Whether it be an illness, or a death. Recently, a former HHS student was found dead. This mother of two, both sons below the age of 2, will no longer be around to be a mom to her sons. Those sons will grow up never really knowing their mother.
Kinda makes you feel stupid for getting so upset about turnovers or shooting percentage. But that's what they pay me for, right? I think so to an extent, but to the extent that I am aggravated with my own children and not sleeping or eating...well, it is quite ridiculous.
Thank goodness for blogging. I feel that I am able to get some of these thoughts out of my head and onto this blog. I probably take myself too serious, but I am constantly striving to be a better person, coach, husband, and father. I need to set a better example consistently, I have to do it.
