One thing I do know when it comes to giving advice, and I mean I am absolutely sure about is that when giving advice to young people they will often nod, smile and listen. Inside their heads they are thinking (and some will flat out tell you) "you are wrong, I am different, that may have happened to you, but it won't me; sorry you are such a loser" and so on. How do I know this? Because it is what I did, and it is what so many young people have said to me when they come back to school. "If I had only listened".Good advice comes from experience, experience comes from? Bad decisions. Most adults have at least lived long enough to make enough bad decisions to help out younger people, but most, if not all, people have to learn the hard way...through experience. I have thought about what I might say to graduates some time if asked to speak at a graduation and it is something that I have thought about a lot...what would I have wanted to know and what do I think they should know. Below is the list that I have messed with and probably leaving something good out.
1. Wear sunscreen...I know, I know you think that tan looks "pretty" right now, but you will learn to regret your decision on that tan. For many people the sun will give you what you don't want at some point in your life...skin cancer at the worst and pre mature aging at the least.
2. Floss...I am guilty of it, but if you want to keep your own teeth and NOT pay thousands to do so, floss your teeth. Take care of your teeth. Not only does it cost money, the assumption by some is that you are unattractive and uneducated without them.
3. Tattoos...stay away from them. If you want to get one, make that decision in your late 20's or early 30's. When you think about getting one, think of these words..."Grandma/Grandpa show me your tattoo." What is often "cool" today isn't so "cool" later in your life. There is a reason that a new type of business is springing up all over the place. Which type of business? Tattoo removal!
4. Wear your seatbelt...it may not save your life 100% of the time, but it may increase those chances if ever in a wreck.
5. Say "thank you" and "I'm sorry"...it is amazing how people will treat you differently if you treat them with manners. And when you do say those words, and you should say them A LOT, mean it!
6. Get into an exercise routine...you will not feel being out of shape, if you are in shape now, until you are in your 40's. You will think you are out of shape until then, but you won't be. Then, it will be hard to begin an exercise routine, so start early...when you don't need it.
7. Keep learning...you often learn the most when you realize that you know nothing.
8. What you put out in the world is usually what comes back..."what goes around, comes around". If you are a negative, angry person, you will get that back to you. If you are positive and happy (and happiness is often a choice), you will get that back in return.
9. Stay away from credit cards...they are evil, evil things. They charge an obscene interest rate and are set up that if you make the minimum payment on $1000, you will NEVER pay it off. If you do get a credit card, make sure to pay off the balance every single month.
10. Stay away from drugs (cigarettes) and alcohol...you don't see too many successful drug addicts or alcoholics. Every single addict or alcoholic started off doing their thing socially, "to have more fun". I often find it interesting that children of addicts and alcoholics become their parents. And they often hate their parents for being what they are...addicted. And cigarettes...you don't see too many healthy smokers in their 50's, 60's or older. There is a reason that most, if not all, smokers quit or try to quit. Learn from them.
11. If your boyfriend/girlfriend hits you...leave! "I love you, it won't happen again." Those words may be some of the biggest lies ever spoken. They will do it again, even though they believe they won't do it again. If your significant other comes from an abusive home, know the signs...statistics show that they will become abusers. If you are married, DEMAND counseling or leave. If you have children...leave! I don't care how much you love someone if they are abusing you, or worse...your children...your children will be learning all the wrong lessons.
12. Give your parents a break...if they are not abusing you (often you have a different definition than your parents on that) try to understand where they are coming from. They have something that you don't, experience. You have never been a parent/adult, they have been a child. They often make mistakes because they don't want you to make the same mistakes they made and they love you. You are the sweetest, greatest thing they have ever known (at least when you were born and before you started back talking). And trust me, you will not know true love until you have a child.
13. Don't pass your garbage on to your children...if you don't like your parents, if you don't like the things they do, if you feel that you have been wronged by them...2 things can happen. 1. you will eventually realize that they aren't as bad as you thought, or 2. you realize they are that bad and you are a product of that behavior. Realize that and don't have children or when you do...understand that YOUR actions (garbage) is being passed off to your kids. Break the chain!
14. Start a savings account...even if it is a small amount. Put aside a small amount of money each paycheck to have for a rainy day or month or....months.
15. Forgive yourself...we all have made decisions in the past and we all have made mistakes. Everybody...your parents, your ministers, your teachers, your grandparents, your police officers, your military people, every single person. Don't be so hard on yourself.
16. Don't have pre-marital sex...and if you do, use protection. Sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancies, abortion, and many other psychological issues can be avoided or at least minimized. Why do something at a young age you will be dealing with the rest of your life?
17. Go to church...If not there go somewhere at least weekly that will re-energize your moral compass. Mosque, temple, a book, a person...we all need to be re-energized and motivated daily.
I am sure I could come up with some more items for this list. How do I know about these things? Because of poor decisions I have made, or what I have seen others make and them dealing with the consequences of those actions. Oh...to be young and inexperienced. Would I do it over? Not if I didn't know then what I know now, but that's what growing up is about. Doing, failing, learning, being better, doing, failing, learning and so on.
To this year's graduates as I do for every year's graduates....I wish you well!
