Don't Be That Guy

The other day a dad, that guy, yelled at his son during a basketball game. He clearly needed to be embarrassed to do what he wanted him to do. Because it is all about him being better right then, right there even if he does not want it.

Later that game, this man, that guy, got frustrated with the coach. You know, the person who is taking time from his family to teach the game to his child, the person who knows much about the game and is willing to do anything to help his child.

Later that night, that guy was so outraged he posted something on social media, unlike others who do regularly. He felt he needed to "get this off his chest", and release some of his hurt. And if he did post, there would be many people who would like his quote and maybe even comment how they agree making remarks about a situation that they know nothing about.

The next day that guy let the coach have it face to face because it made the situation better for his child and that is all he wants is for his child to get a fair shake. And right now...it just is not happening.

That guy got a little group of parents together who agreed with him or at least would not disagree with him and started to create division on the team because his son was not being treated fairly. Does the coach not know how much he shoots at home? And that AAU team that never wins, but his son scores a lot especially when the game is over and nobody is playing defense anymore.

I mean, that guy will cuss and swear about the coach behind his back, but smile and pat him on the back in person.

That guy is a likeable person, so his opinion has to have some validity because he's a great guy that guy is.

And then when that guy's son graduates, he will tell stories for years about how his son was mistreated and never have anything to do with the program again. He cared so much for four years, but then silence.

Don't be that guy...or that girl.

The Spring of Our Discontent

The coronavirus, COVID-19, or whatever you want to call this global pandemic we are dealing with, well it sucks for lack of a better word. I am sure many of you are reading this and agreeing, and if you do not, good for you.

The MLB, NCAA, NBA, IHSAA and every other lettered sports organization has gone dormant, silent. Selfishly, I am not happy because I enjoy watching these things, but when I think about the amount of people who put so much time and effort into these sports, I cannot help but feel discontented.

Throw in the fact that many people make livelihoods off these sports from restaurants, to hotels, to gas stations, to the people working at the games, and you cannot but feel sad and helpless for them.

Now these are all just side effects of an overall virus that is sickening and killing people at an alarming rate. Sure, the flu kills more people than this...so far, but we are only three months into this and the numbers double every few days. What started in China and has exploded in Iran, Italy and now Spain is heading our way if we do not act quickly and severely.

It will be painful, it is painful, but we can get past this if everyone understands that we are in this together. I may be carrying the virus, but not feeling symptomatic and I could pass this on to someone who can not fight it off as well or at all. Even as I write this and I think about sending it out into the world, I know I am going to be attacked for fanning the flames, spreading panic, but a friend of mine, Kirt Page, put it into great words the other day: "We too often mistake precaution with panic."

What if we are wrong and we are over reacting? Sure the economy is going to be hurt big time by this, but once we are virus free it will rebound quickly and strongly I have no doubt.

What if we are right? Well, we may never be able to prove it if a quarantine works, but if it does not, at least we tried something.

It is terrible, depressing, and sad because so many of our lives have been affected by this from social distancing, the loss of our beloved sports, to economically.

But what has it done for us?

We have slowed down.

We have spent more time with our families.

We are finding other things to do with our time.

And hopefully, as the world has slowed down, we are seeing what truly matters in this world...our family and friends' health and toilet paper.

“The LORD has established His throne in the heavens, And His sovereignty rules over all.”
Psalm 103:19

The Conundrum(s) of LIfe

I know many of you understand what "conundrum" means, but here is the definition from Google: Noun; a confusing and difficult problem or question. So, basically every belief, decision or idea of my entire life revolves around conundrums.

I struggle every day with standing for something, yet living by what I believe. Every...single...day.
The good news is that I usually do not have to make any serious decisions based on my difficult questions. Part of it is because they do not affect my every day life in standing for something and then there is the whole putting it out there and running the risk of pop societal stigmatization. By even typing those words many people will make many assumptions, so be it.

I am torn between loving everyone and showing compassion for them no matter who they are or what they do or have done, and accountability. How do I show love and compassion to those around me without it seeming that I have given the "okay" for their behavior? How do I accept that not everything will not go my way in this competition called life and fighting every day for what I want and need?

I have often thought it would be so easy to be a religious leader in this world after I retire from my teaching/coaching jobs. It might just be easier to be that leader if I decided to build a camp in the woods by myself staying away from all worldly desires and definitions of "wrong and right".

But that is not the way to be, in my belief. I feel called to be where I am and to struggle and fail with my faith. Because it is in those realizations of failure that I learn of my shortcomings and where I need to grow.

I have tried to have fewer public opinions, I know that sounds weird since I am writing this for it to be shown publicly, I have tried to not as many little things bother me, but I have found that in those times of silence and contentment, I have "snapped" more. If I feel that I am being pushed or disrespected, I stand up more verbally than I ever have before, and often, it is not necessary. Call it my previous low self-esteem from my youth, or my struggle with doing the right thing, but I have felt recently that I need to stand up for myself and too often it comes off as disrespectful.

But is it?

Even Jesus turned over a few tables.

So in writing this, I am not sure I have come up with an answer to my conundrum, but I rarely do.

I just struggle along attempting to live my life in a way that others find commendable only in that they will understand that it is my faith in Christ that has made me that way.

And guess what? I realize that others will be turned away because of my decisions, my beliefs because it all seems so simple to them.

And believing that could be a larger problem than what I have.

I Understand Now

Too many times, I have read where someone famous, or not so famous, has committed suicide, but they seemed so outwardly happy.

They are described as happy-go-luck, always the life of the party, or many other ways in describing someone who should not have done what they did...take their own life.

Recently, I understood.

I have had issues with mental health since at least 8th grade, but never really dealt with it until my early 40's. I have explained that when you have a panic attack when you are young, you can shrug it off. You have one in your 40's and you think you're having a heart attack, and it becomes a little more important to deal with.

Just the other day, I entered into one of my down times, and I finally understood how someone who looks happy on the outside can feel empty on the inside, because I did it.

I was tired, but there seemed as if something "alive" was missing inside of me. It was a hollow feeling that only I could feel or share if I chose to, but even then most people do not know what to do with that information.

Yet, I smiled on the outside.

I joked on the outside.

I tried to be a good friend/coach/husband/father...on the outside.

But inside, something was missing and I received no joy out of even breathing. And when I get that way, everything seems like a put down, everything feels like a slight, I do not want to be friendly to even my closest friends and everything seems disrespectful even if an issue were to go my way.

It is just how I feel.

Within a couple of days, I came out of it. I read my Bible, got into my books, listened to music and reminded myself over and over how good my life is, but I can only imagine.

I can only imagine what it must be like to live that way for an extended period of time.

I often say that depression is not wanting to live, but scared to death you're going to die and I would never do something that would put my issues onto my friends and family especially those pictured above....

But I understand.

If you're reading this and you feel the way I have described, reach out to someone.

Reach out to your family doctor, a counselor, a pastor, a friend, a loved one, but do not let yourself spiral down until you feel the only option is suicide because it is not.

You are dearly loved, and so many people would be devastated if you were gone.

The Weight a Teacher Wears

I stand in front of a class of 25+ students four times a day, I lecture and educate them on Psychology, Sociology, Government and Economics.

But I do more than that and it's the most important thing I can do, more than that teaching stuff.

I can show them I love them.

I do not know if you can ever be surprised by some of the stories you hear of former and current students. I try not to believe much about current students, because you are just getting into the rumor/gossip issues that can lead to hurting a student.

But as teachers, we hear things, and we can still love our students despite what they may have done. Really...how many of us have a squeaky clean past? Yea, I thought so.

But forget the things that the students do to themselves, but what is done to them. It is sad and scary and it is amazing that they can come to your class and function as a human being at all considering what has happened to them.

Yet, we too often forget these things and treat them as if they are being fed properly, told to clean themselves, get to bed and study so they can be ready to learn from us again.

I can tell you that if I did not have a supportive wife, I would be a mess many days and yet we expect children from 5-18 years of age who do not have proper guidance to act the way that us educated, supported people do.

Former students...I see the pain and agony you go through. I see the turning from your values because of money. I see how much hurt you are enduring and it affects me, it affects many of your past teachers who truly loved you as a young person, growing, and learning.

It tears us apart when we see you arrested, or beaten, or divorced, or addicted.

It upsets us when you are upset because something in life has not gone the way you wanted.

I have taught for many years and I thoroughly enjoy hearing what former students are doing as adults. I enjoy meeting their spouses and their children and laughing as they have learned things the hard way we tried to teach them and they share their stories of ups and downs.

As the state of Indiana puts more and more expectations on us as teachers, I will do what I am supposed to do to keep my job, but through my experiences, tests and grades mean very little with the time I have a student in class. There are bigger issues at work.

Do they enjoy my class? I realize some things are inherent in learning and joy is not often felt. But do kids when then are heading to my class, are they feeling revulsion or acceptance?

Do they know that I care? You would not believe some of the things kids share with teachers. From very personal issues to the extremely trivial, we have to let them know we care either way.

I have been doing this for 21 years and I have changed so much. In some ways for the good and many would argue in other ways for the bad.

But when I finish teaching or when students look back on me as a teacher, I could care less if they remember anything I taught (but it sure would be nice), but I hope they know that I enjoyed my job, I love my family, I enjoy having them in class, and I love them as human beings and would do very much to help them.

Not just today, but for the rest of my life.

That is the weight a teacher wears.

Aruba