relationships

relationships
29 years coaching experience/ 7 years as a varsity boys' basketball coach, now assisting

Friday, September 27, 2013

Thinking Lately...as Usual



The other night, my daughter was crying in bed.  I went in to see what was wrong and she said "something just doesn't feel right".  I told her I knew and that I understood, hugged her, kissed her and then left the room.  My poor daughter.  Everyone tells me per personality is similar to mine.  That's good in some ways, but troubling in some other ways.  We tend to worry about things that aren't a big deal and when the big deal things come along, we worry more.  We tend to think...a lot about the world and it's problems.  I still remember not being able to sleep when I was 6 years old because the "killer bees" were making their way to the U.S.

Even before I went college or majored in U.S. History education, even before I minored in sociology and psychology, I was an osbserver of what was going on around me.  More importantly, I was an observer of people.  I watched people's actions to see if they measured up to their words and I learned about hypocrisy at a young age.  I reflected on myself and tried to align my own actions up with my words and beliefs and I am still working on that one.  But I am honest and aware that these issues still occur with me and try to do better though others might say I don't. 

I have observed (mostly students but also adults...educated adults) people who are either unaware that they are not aligning actions with belief or they just don't care.  Those that are unaware are usually the easiest to speak with about the subject.  They truly are uninformed that what they are doing is conflicting with their beliefs.  Sometimes they attempt to change, but sometimes their heads figuratively explode because they have a schema changing which can be uncomfortable.

Those who don't care see that they are conflicting, but don't believe that it matters because they are the one who is "right" in the situation.  I have observed that who is "right" can often be perspective.  I spoke with a Pastor recently who said that any issue within his church in which there is a conflict involving him, it is his fault first.  From there they work through the issue to see what the true conflict is about.  That's true servant leadership. 

How often do we knee jerk react to we are not wrong in any given situation that involves conflict with others?  I know that I have done it...a lot especially when I was coaching.  "It's the fans' fault, it's the player's fault, it's the parents' fault", it was never that maybe I wasn't working hard enough, that I wasn't trying something new, or that maybe I was at fault.  I think I have gotten better apologizing when appropriate (again, that's dependent on perspective) but even critisized for doing that.  It's a crazy, crazy world. 

As a servant leader, we must accept responsibility and then work through the issue.  I have seen so many issues where leadership allows emotions to get involved and hinder progress with issues that develop.  Maybe people who have issues will see that it isn't actually my fault, or maybe I will see that it is my fault.  As a servant leader, if there are issues that I have then I need to change my behavior, or find another job where my actions could lead to healthy development.  By leaving my job, I am not saying that those people were good or bad, that the place was going down the drain or the greatest place ever, that those people were clueless or that I am clueless.  I wouldn't be saying that my way was the only way and they didn't see my greatness or that I wasn't fit for the place.

What I would be saying is that it was time for me to leave hopefully under my own accord because it what was best for both me and my family and the institution in which I left.