On a much smaller scale, I had hernia surgery over our fall break. Yes, I know I don't get the sympathy I probably would have gotten if I weren't competing against the walking miracle that is Megan, but I am ok with that. However, any kind of surgery can make you evaluate your life, where it is and what's important. Though my surgery was much smaller, I had the exact surgery about 15 years ago and had a reaction to a drug used in the anesthesia. To make a long story short, I woke up after the surgery paralyzed, yet could hear everything going on. So as I entered the small surgery I had, that was in the back of my mind.
Anesthesia is a funny thing. When I was younger, I thought it was cool or fun if you were put under, as I have gotten older and after my experience, I realize how serious going under can be. The anesthesiologist holds your life in his hands. When I woke up from the surgery, I can remember being so thankful. Thankful for my wife, kids, the anesthesiologist, the surgeon, the attending nurse, breathing, smiling, just about everything. I am sure that the anesthesia had something to do with that, but I was just joyful.
It was a weird feeling because we had prayed so much for Megan for myself that I wasn't quite sure what I actually wanted when it came to the outcomes of these surgeries. I guess, more importantly, God's will. Of course, I wanted her to be better and I wanted to come out of my surgery fine, but I had come to grips with the realistic idea that one of us might not make it. Once she was awake and improving, I prayed for the strength to get through what we were dealing with, but also to handle God's will. I have grown so much in my faith the last few years, it almost seemed like a natural progression for me to go home and my growth be used to help others, most importantly my family.
If you ask me, I want to live, watch my children grow up, become parents, and spend time with my wife. If you ask me, I want to go on vacations, visit continents, all 50 states and be husband, dad, basketball coach, friend and mentor and whatever I am called to be. But if you ask me if I am ready to die and go home, I wouldn't pick it as my first choice in the many things left to do in life, but I would be ok with it....as long as it weren't painful. So I guess I just may not be ready after all.
