Dear Maddie

Dear Maddie,

You are graduating from high school and "moving out" in a couple of months and I am not sure how I feel about it. 

As I type this, I am probably feeling more emotional than I have. 

I will never forget the day you were born and I saw my daughter...the feeing of love was nothing I had ever experienced in how I loved you in that very moment.

It was a wave of love, excitement and fear. Fear because I was now responsible for a person and you can't mess around with that.

I've often joked if a pet dies everyone goes "awwww" that's too bad, but if something happens to your child, there's an investigation.

But it has been an absolute joy, but also honor to be your dad as you have reached this point.

I have learned so much about myself and about what matters in life because of you.

I took you to your first day of kindergarten (pictured above) and was there when you walked out as a student for the last time, and it seems like it happened in a blink.

Time is moving at two speeds all the time, quickly and slowly.

I know I haven't always been the best dad, and I am so sorry for those moments (okay, this is making me a little emotional), because I am not perfect and you are to me in so many ways, I failed you.

But never ever doubt that your mother and I love you.

Mom shows it other ways, but she would literally kill for you. Me, too...I am just more vocal about it and people know to back off!

Anyway...

I am so impressed with you. You're the best human I know and how I feel now with you graduating and moving on to the next part of your life is "a job well done".

Your mom had more to do with it than me, but I know I had a hand in it even if just backing up your mother.

But, I have zero doubts that you're going to do wonderful things and you're going to keep your mind on Christ as you do it.

And that's a win.

So congratulations, I love you, and there is never anything you could do that I won't love you.

I may get agitated, I may wonder what the F is gong on? 

But I will never not love you.

Know that while walking in and out of our door at home, it is just that...your home. A place you are loved unconditionally and the door is always open for you.

 

The World is Upside Down...or Am I Just Getting Older?

I can remember in the late 1970's listening to my father and grandfather talk about how bad the country and world were. And it seems that every generation does this, they talk about how bad things have gotten. I never seem to hear how good things have gotten as time has passed. 

But here I am, thinking that the world is upside down.

That up is down and down is up, but could it be because I am getting older and looking back at the glory days of my youth when my dad and grandpa thought what I think today?

But we literally cannot define words anymore.

We claim everything is wrong, that even math is bad because of who used it first (math was discovered by the way).

I struggle in thinking that it's a small minority that actually partakes or believes in this "craziness", but yet, I see lots of "normal" people who support it and are willing to fight for it.

I said recently that if the most recently "craziness" ends, it won't be the worst part that it happened, but that we supported and celebrated it.

But it won't matter. 

Few people see the correlation or would admit that just maybe by celebrating the most recent craziness actually leads to their downfall as well as the slippery slope that is our culture.

I've seen students not get the help they need because we support and celebrate certain things that five years ago would have gotten them immediate, severe help. I worry that we see the results of horrifically bad things that have happened to people and celebrate those results when we should be healing what happened to them.

But what do I know?

I know that the hypocrisy of some is so prevalent they struggle to even see that their own words and actions are hypocritical or could be seen as such.

I said today, I think many issues are on pendulum and we often don't do enough for certain issues like mental health, and then we get into the sweet spot of where we need to be, but alas, we go too far past what was needed.

But, maybe this pendulum will swing back to the sweet spot again.

We can only hope.

But what do I know? I'm just a guy who sees too much and thinks too often.

Bowling Alley Songs

If I could write a t.v. show that brought back nostalgia for me, it would be Wednesdays at Silver Creek  Lanes, or something like that. I realize that's not a good title, that's I write blog entries that no one reads and not television scripts.

The place has burned down and been rebuilt differently, so it makes the memories even thicker because I cannot go back there, it's locked in my mind.

But I am not sure if it was Wednesdays or when it was, but my parents were in a bowling league at Silver Creek Lanes in the mid 1970's. I was a kid, we're talking like 6, 7, or 8...wow, just writing that and realizing what an effect that time had on me is kind of weird.

But I grew up a lot then and experienced some firsts.

My parents would bowl, and there was a group of us that would run and play in the area behind it.

It was a sort of freedom. 

We thought we were in a world of our own, but our parents would, of course, from time to time have to come and tell us to calm down.

We would play tag, freeze tag, arm wrestle and fall in "love". That is so funny to write, being probably 7 years old.

When I was that age, I was pretty fast, pretty cute, and pretty smart, so I was good at tag and freeze tag and there was one little girl that caught my heart and now at 53, I cannot remember her name. But I remember looking forward to those nights because of her and all of the other friends there.

What set off the inspiration to reminisce today is the song Sister Golden Hair by America.

That song, like many from that era, really bring back memories of that time. So much so, that I often call them bowling alley songs.

There was a jukebox there and that song was played every time we were there, or so it seemed, so when I hear that guitar riff, I am transported back to a much more innocent time.

A time when I was fast.

A time when I got the cute girl to like me.

A time when losing an arm wrestling contest to a cocky little boy, helped me lose the affection of the cute girl.

To a time when music was better, the Coca-Cola was better, the freedom of the place was better, and not understanding the pain and suffering of aging can bring existed, the innocence of that time was so fun.

Oh, I miss those days.

I wish I could go back in time and just sit and watch the whole scenario play out and tell the little boy playing there, it's gonna be a wild ride, but you will end up great with a beautiful wife and two wonderful children.

And the 7 year old me would look at him and then run to mom and dad and tell them "stranger danger"!

Lead, Follow, AND Get out of the Way

 

This past school year, I have been taking part in a leadership academy with other teachers in the Silver Creek School Corporation, and it has been fruitful and thought provoking. What I am about to write about are my perceptions and feelings when it comes to leadership and education...so bear with me, especially if you don't agree with anything I am about to write about.

Teachers:

Teachers do not want to be led. We are leaders, we don't need to be led, we for sure need to be nudged from time to time, but more often than not, we lead. We all haver different styles and there are some people who need to be led and maybe even fired because they cannot or will not lead.

In the picture above, teachers do not want a Boss...ever, and only want a Leader if that leader has decided we are going to do something radically different. Even then, teachers don't like leaders coming in and messing with them when it's not broken.

Teachers tend to even be aggravated by leadership that seems to micromanage, don't push us unless we need it. But, reward as often as you discipline...then you will get the support of us "followers" in times that you need us.

Now, if teachers get in trouble or are being questioned by students or parents, we do want a Leader then who will take up for us, stand with us, or pull the sled. Too often, it seems, we as teachers get ourselves in that trouble, but not always.

It's then that we want leadership to have our back and support us publicly. 

In teachers not wanting to be led, if there are no complaints from administration, then we must be doing it right, so it seems natural to want to be supported in hard times.

Administration:

The school board should support the Superintendent, the Superintendent should supports his principals, and all of them should be pulling the sled at all times.

Too often, we don't see anyone pulling the sled, but we feel the whip or the words from the top of the sled when it comes to admin leadership.

Most Principals do not need to be micromanaged and neither do most teachers. 

But work with those admins or teachers, do not use sweeping language or emails for the issues of one or a few, it's unnecessary and aggravating to those who are doing their jobs leading.

At our school, things run pretty smoothly and even the small change by admins or above can have a Princess and the Pea feeling. It may not seem like a big deal, but it becomes something that we notice, cannot get comfortable with, and sets off overreaction by those under leadership.

Finally, I just want to say that I believe that a large majority of admins and teachers are doing great jobs, but the "fix" on teachers or admins should be single situations, precise incisions, and not complete overhauls, or blanket accusations.

Unless it's needed and we all know situations like that, but too often that's not what we do.

We know you have jobs, you do not have to justify them by making more work for admins or teachers.

We know you're doing a good job because we are doing a good job.

We know you're allowing us to be what we need to be as leaders because we are happy and, in return, our students are happy which should make all admins above us happy.

You don't need a legacy for a radical change or some new radical hire.

A simple "hello, thanks for all you do, keep up the great work" with a smile will suffice, and for that, we will have your back when necessary.

What do I Know?

You can tell the couth of a person by what "facts" we share on social media.

Too often, we are emotional and in our attempt to hurt others, we throw everything we can against and wall and see what sticks.

It doesn't matter if all the details are true or not, it only matters that it makes it way into the public.

Those on defense, have two choices:

1. Defend themselves.

2. Don't defend themselves.

If you do the first one, you may feel better and get out details that are wrong or different that what is reported, but the attackers thrive off that. Because the more info you put out there, the more they have to attack.

If you do the second, it could die down quicker, but misinformation is all anyone gets, and anyone who is outside the loop will believe what they read without any investigation at all, we take it at face value as being true.

I can tell you, I have been angry at situations, but I have tried (tried) to abstain from directly posting, unless it's about someone I care about, then I kind of lose my mind.

But I like the passive-aggressive approach. Write a blog entry and if they see it or not, they have to assume it's about them.

It might be, it probably isn't.

But it saddens me, because there are legitimate issues to fight against, but how do we go about doing it?

The truth is often relative, and the outrage may be just because you're not the one making the decisions.

Fall Break in Uvalde

Recently, my wife and I drove down to Uvalde, TX to pay our respects, meet some new friends and help with basketball athletics class at Uvalde High School.

Uvalde is the site of one of the worst mass shootings in history. It is where 19 4th graders and 2 teachers were murdered and others were severely injured.

It was an unusual place to be.

It's been just 5 short months since this horrific thing occurred, but it has been on my mind since. It touched my heart in ways other shootings haven't. I don't know why, but it has.

It was unusual because of this bad thing happening, yet the cruel reality of life is that it goes on. There were people at restaurants, in the grocery store, laughing and going to school. It is a cruel reality, but it is also just reality. 

Now, for the families and friends and most everyone in the community, life goes on, but they have had their lives given new, alternative paths they didn't expect to have. Their anger and desire for something to be done can absolutely be understood.

It's a horrible situation.

You have victims that were mourned. 

You have angry, sad people involved who want to know how this could happen to their children, nieces, nephews, grandchildren, brothers, and sisters.

You have law enforcement that is still there, but are taking huge criticisms, most of it warranted, and some of it makes them a sounding board. Many were following orders, I cannot see myself standing outside those rooms and not entering, but they were following orders. And I am sure many of them are not doing well mentally because of this and the criticism they are receiving.

You have school administration and who have had this "thing" thrust upon them. They didn't want this to happen and are having to deal with legalities of the situation that makes info coming out or firings move too slow for the people that are understandably angry.

And you have the shooter's family. 

Yes, they are victims too. Their relative was a sick, deranged individual who attacked his family and then did this heinous thing.

And they are still there, living in the community.

Some family members of the shooter, in shock I would guess, have made unusual statements to the media only pouring gasoline on a raging fire.

There has been protesting, verbal anger hurled at people who are trying to do their best, there has been firings and resignations, there has been so much hurt brought on by this...this evil that it hasn't stopped long after it happened in May, and I don't see it ending any time soon because of the nature of this evil.

And then there are those who are pushing along, doing the best they can in a horrible situation, trying to bring "normalcy" back to a place that will never be normal again.

Two of these people are the boys' basketball coach Ramon Burato and his wife Rosie. I helped Coach with basketball during the school day and my wife and I went out to eat one night with him and his wife.

What I found was two amazing people from Uvalde, who love people, and are the right people for the right time in this right place for them.

Coach does an amazing job in coaching his team. He loves his kids, he works hard and realizes that there is more to basketball than winning and losing and it couldn't be more true for him than ever before.

He is from and coaches at a town/school that has a high rate in many bad things in normal times and there are gangs in the community, so you know that element carries over into the school day and affects his players.

And he has players on his team who lost siblings on that day in May.

It's a community not unlike any around here in Southern Indiana, drug usage, drug dealing, overdose, gang activity, fights, suicide, and divorce. One that has had trauma, but now more piled on, a type that not many communities have had to deal with.

I feel for the families that lost children and loved ones that day, I am sick to my stomach and search for answers when I think about it.

But some may read this and wonder why I bring up caring about the law enforcement and the shooter's family. Because, they have been victimized in different ways, ways that will get very little empathy from the masses.

But I understand the anger, and I just try to put smiles on peoples faces when I am in those situations because it is messed up, really messed up right now. And we should love on people in need especially this drastic need. 

But, if something like this happened to my children, it would probably have to be someone else other than me to show sympathy for those that I would blame.

And that's why we need each other on this planet and in our communities, and I know it's a cliché, but we need Jesus.

Only then, will the pain be gone.

Until then, we must show Jesus life and love examples and help those who need it, to be convicted to reach out, and to put a hand on a shoulder, to listen, pick up a phone to call or text support.

Life is hard, I think too often we make it harder than we should, but if it is hard for you, it is hard for someone else and by reaching out and helping others, it is amazing what lessons and fulfillment you get for yourself.