"I do"

Today, July 19th, is my 6th wedding anniversary. I thought I would take some time and write about the person who is truly the MVP of my coaching career, my wife, Kristi Hunter.

We actually started dating 8 years ago and at that point I didn't know what direction to go in when it came to coaching basketball. I entertained the idea of getting into college coaching and I was frustrated with the position I was in at my high school.

She listened and gave very little advice, but the advice she did give was strong. Whenever I was totally frustrated with a specific situation, she asked me one simple question: "Are you coaching for you, or for the boys?". And it hit me like a ton of bricks, and I chose to stay where I was. I ended up assisting a bunch of guys who were highly successful and learning from the previous head coach.

Then when I took over, we had one child, and I didn't know if it would be too much for us. My wife played on a two time sectional champion at Silver Creek High School, and she knew the amount of time it took to be successful. Plus her high school coach, Lisa Cook, had been successful and she saw from that angle what someone might do if they coached.

So, we went for it. Since then we have had a son making mine and her job even harder, but it has been worth it. She is home when I scout, practice, go to jr. high games, in the summer taking care of our kids. Teaching them to read, be respectful, and to be good people. She has done a great job.

It seems that often men marry up and I certainly did. If we were to start keeping track of who was the nicer person or who most people thought the most of, I would lose in a landslide. My wife is truly a great person, great mother, and great wife. I couldn't do all I do without her support.

I tease her that she probably wanted to break up with me when we dated, but she didn't know how, and eventually I had a ring and popped a question. She never completely denies it. :) But whatever the reason, I am a very lucky man, and have had a great marriage since the day we said "I do".

Natural talent vs. Competitive work ethic

Why is it that the most physically talented players in my experiences have often been the ones who worked just enough at it?

They may do one of two things:
1. work very little, and still get by on their abilities in games, and at that time they do compete and play relatively hard. But, if they had worked much harder on their games, they would be able to take themselves and the team to a different level.

Or

2. put in more practice time than anyone else on the team. They work on moves, they lift, they run, they shoot, shoot, shoot, but yet when the game starts and the refs have the whistles, they don't take advantage of their hard work. They end up being the consumate "team" player when you just want them to take over.

Then you have the little guy, the slow guy, the not as physically challenged guy. He will work his tail off 110% of the time off the court. He is the guy leading in sprints, he is the guy trying to do everything correct in drills and practice. He is often the emotional leader, the soul of the team. He is the one who is talking and probably the Captain of the team.

But he is also the guy that no matter how hard he works, and no matter how much you as the Coach want it for him, he just cannot get it done to the level that you or he wants. He is the guy who would do anything to have the ability of the first guy, to be able to take a game over, to take the team to the next level, to possibly even play at the next level, but he cannot.

If you could somehow mix the two, the heart of the competitor with the physical ability of the athlete that is when a special player comes along. They are all special, and as coaches we often develop guys who can take your team to the next level.

But when the perfect storm hits in the body of the natural "star" what a wonderful sight to behold.

Competing and Perception

I want my players to flat out compete on the basketball court. I want them to try and win at almost any costs (I don't want them hurting anybody intentionally). When doing that, it will often be perceived wrongly in the stands. I understand, there have been players from other schools in the past that I could not stand for that very reason. They competed at a level that you don't see many people do anymore. It came off wrong to most people, but they could have played for me anytime.

Off the court, I want my players to be positive leaders, gentlemen, and hard workers in the classroom. They too often fall short of those standards as do I, but I want them to turn into good human beings. Most of them will not go on and play college basketball, but most will go on and be boyfriends, husbands, fathers, sons, etc.

The example of what I want from a basketball player is a kid who just graduated. He did a few things I did not like and would disagree with on the court sometimes, but he flat out competed. If you were going to beat him, you were going to earn it. Often his actions on the court led to negative perceptions from people in other communities, and even the officials (he may have never gotten the benefit of the doubt on a call). He played harder with an attitude as much as anyone who has played for me and I loved it, and yet probably was one of the most disliked players ever at HHS by people from other communities.

But here is the deal with him, off the court, he was exactly what I thought epitomized what I want my players to be. He was respectful to teachers and adults. He worked hard in the classroom, he was never, not once a discipline problem at HHS. He helped with special needs students on a daily basis. I had many times teachers come up to me and tell me what a great gentleman he was in school, how helpful he was. He was so good if you didn't look for him, you didn't even know he was at school because he was quiet and to himself and his friends.

He was never acting like an idiot in class trying to make the teachers job harder.

What will be interesting is that many people seemed to want physical confrontations with him, but they had the protection of him being under 18, and then that he was in high school. Next season as he has graduated, it will be interesting to see who confronts him without that protection, I bet not many if any.

Perceptions are what they are, and no matter what I say most people from other communities will only remember him from his days competing. Which is too bad because they are letting that bias keep them from completely understanding the whole person, a whole person who is a pretty darn good person who will not be a drag on society.

That Coach is Terrible.....

In my experiences, which seem to have crept up on me, when you want to complain about how bad someone is doing their job, there is probably someone doing the same to you.

First, my experiences: when did I become the oldest, most experienced coach in the system? Four years ago when I took the Varsity job, suddenly I became the old guy that all my coaches went to for advice....how did that happen?

This year I have hired a volunteer coach, Chris McKain, and coupled with the 7th grade coach I hired last year Jay Munk, I now have two older, experienced coaches in the system. Besides my mentors, I need someone who I can go to for advice.

Not that my younger coaches don't give great advice, I have been very lucky that I have such qualified younger guys.

For the complaints....I have been in the teacher's lounge enough to know that there is always someone who will be complained about. I have tried to minimize my public bitching and even try to take up for people if at all possible. I would hope that someone is doing that for me.

As a head coach, I understand that I will not make everybody happy all of the time, heck, maybe never. I do the best I can, try to do what is in the best interest of the kids and the program, and if that ends up never being good enough, I will resign and let someone try.

And when that day happens, that person can know there will be one less person in the stands complaining about the job they are doing.

I am a Winner....right?

What is a winner? Is it that person who holds the trophy at the end of a tournament? Is it that person who wins most of their games? I would agree with both assessments, but just because you win games or championships doesn't make you a winner. I have seen some real losers in my times holding trophies at the end of the day.

Being a winner, to me, is winning and losing with class. I think the ultimate goals in athletics and I try to use in basketball are to have fun, be disciplined, and get better.

Having fun is playing with passion, appreciating the past, the now, and the future. It is about coming every day and having the correct perpective. We are doing something serious and what others would love to being doing, but it isn't a war, and it isn't dealing with cancer. Even though, I believe that athletics can help you in dealing with those two very serious events.

Being disciplined is doing what the coaches want for the team to be successful, but also as a coach allowing the players freedom to play and have fun. It is a social contract between the players and the coach in this instance. But, to me, it is also about setting a positive example off the court in your town, your school, your community.

Getting better; are you working every day seriously to get better, or are you going through the motions? Do you go through every drill with intensity? Do you show up every day trying to get better individually and as a team?

If you do those three things on a consistent basis...in my opinion you are a winner. As I have stated, I have seen many losers at the end of the day holding trophies, but I have also at the end of the day seen many winners on the sidelines....trophy less.

The End of Innocence...It Happens All the Time

I have often tried to do the right thing when being a coach. I probably have hurt some players and bent my values to do what I thought was best for the individual at that time. I know there are parents who are still upset with some of the decisions I have made in the past, and I have come to grips with that. I am probably too sensitive on such matters, and it does help that former players come back and thank me.

But, when you try to do something for your program, and an individual who was tantamount in your development as a person and basketball player/coach isn't honest with you....it hurts.

As I have often said that in these moments when you don't know if it is worth going on or not, you have to ask yourself: Do I want to quit or move on and confront the problem. Each moment that has happened, I have chosen to go on, but there will be a day when I say...."enough".