Some Stuff from the Cards of Coach Don Meyer

Coach Don Meyer has good stuff on his website: Coach Don Meyer: Home

DON'T:
Don't listen.  You might hear.

Don't think.  You might learn.

Don't make a decision.  You might be wrong.

Don't walk.  You might stumble.

Don't run.  You might fall.

Don't live.  You might die.


Love Life:
Be grateful for it always
and show your gratitude
by not shying away from its challenges

Try always to live
a little beyond your capacities....
you'll find that you never succeed


STOP! and think
1. Is this a risk I can afford to take?
2. How will this affect my future?
3. How will this affect my family?
4.  How will this affect my teammates and coaches?

Nothing Moving Me to Write, I Thought I Would Offer Up Another Movie Selection

I am currently reading The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas by John Boyne.  I had seen the movie first and if you picked either you would be entertained, I guess is the best word.  The movie, however, does go along with the book.  It is about being an innocent boy growing up during the Hitler Reich in Germany.  Good movie with a shocking ending.

The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas Trailer

Dead Poets Society: Carpe Diem

This is by far one of the better movies I have seen.  I can remember being in my mid 20's watching this and this scene really hit me....hard.

Watch and enjoy this 5 minute clip.

How Much is Too Much?

Before I had kids, I often wondered why we didn't have consistent attendance when we had camps from some students.  Most of it was based on the fact that when I was a kid, I was there every time the doors were open.  But when I was a kid, I did two things...Little League baseball and basketball camps.  That was it.  The rest of the time I did something really crazy....I played in my yard with my sister or by myself.

Now I do have kids.  Only one is old enough to participate in camps and little league, but I wonder what is too much?  Do we schedule too much of her fun.  She has attended boys' basketball camps, girls' basketball camps (2 different schools), volleyball camps, tennis camps, gymnastics, played soccer, and played coach pitch baseball.  When I write that down, I wonder if it is too much.  We never force her to participate, we ask her.  And if she were to say "no", my wife and I would be fine with that.  But she says "yes".  Should we hold back some of these things to allow her more unscheduled time or is it part of the world we live in, she lives in today?

I try to be a pretty even minded parent which might be virtually impossible to do.  But I observe her when she is doing what she is doing and she doesn't act bored.  It kills my son who is 3 years younger.  He wants to do everything that his sister does and we have allowed him in my camps and started him in gymnastics to help with his coordination. 

I think we have to be cautious in comparing the world of our children with the world we grew up in.  I think that is true for every generation.  Because there are always changes in culture and each generation thinks they had it better than the current generation.  Maybe we did, maybe our parents and grandparents had better than any of us.  I guess it is going to be a debate on what is too much not in activities for kids, but also is it too much on toys, technology, and just about everything else. 

So, this morning, we take the kids off to tennis camp, we will sign my daughter up for basketball camp, gymnastics this week, and soccer sign ups soon as well as my basketball camp for both kiddos...geez, I am worn out just thinking about it.  As they age, we plan on narrowing what they do based on their likes and ability, but for now this is it for kids; and it makes more sense why we don't get consistent attendance in our camps from some kids.  We are just but one of numerous things that kids have the opportunity to do every week and every day.

Support Base

In the coaching world, you need to have a support base.  You need someone who will be there when you win, but more importantly when you are losing.  You need someone who is going to be there when you are the unofficial mayor of the town, but more importantly when you can't find a friend anywhere.

With me, it is my wife, mom and dad, and kids.  I have plenty of friends in the school, in the community, and surrounding the team that support me, but I don't go home with them.  That doesn't make me appreciate them any less.  Other coaches in the building as well as other teachers at HHS are hugely supportive and I am glad that they are there.  My parents, I know, have my back.  They will support me no matter what happens.  My mom may even be a little more aggressive in her support.

But my kids are always welcoming me after a game with hugs and kisses...and honesty.  Last year, my daughter said towards the middle of a tough season "dad, your team always loses, but I love you".  I said "uh, thanks, I think" and had a little laugh about it.  My daughter could care less if we win or not, she just wants to cheer at the games, and the cheer sponsor has been great in allowing her to be with them during games.  My son could also care less if we win or not.  After games, he just wants a basketball to dribble and shoot with.

My wife, however, is the best.  She is the one who keeps my book, listens to me vent, supports and reassures, and also brings me down to Earth.  She is the one who listens to my doubts, my conerns, and my frustrations.  She does all of this by reminding me why I coach and putting things in proper perspective.  She might be the best coaches wife that there is, though many would debate that comment.  But she does not complain when I have to scout, when I want to go to camps to work or attend basketball clinics.  She does not complain when I am refereeing elementary games, and I ask her to work the "gate".  She does not complain when after a game, win or lose, that we go out to either sulk or celebrate.  She played and she has an understanding of what it takes to be successful, she understand how you are supposed to do things when it comes to basketball. 

I will debate anyone that she is the best my wife Kristi.  And as she approaches her 32nd birthday on Monday, July 25, I hope she knows how much I appreciate her.  I appreciate that she is supportive, but also has to endure many of the same things that I do on the negative side, the only difference is that I can control some of it...she can't.

When Bad Things Happen to Good Coaches

I will be the first to do two things:

1. admit that I have coached for 1 A.D. and 3 Principals and have had full support, to my knowledge, from all four people.  I have zero stories of threats by administration towards whether I am coach or not, I will even go so far to say that I have had zero problems with school board members.  I realize that they hear talk and complaints, but it hasn't reached the level that they have spoken to me.  Maybe it has gotten bad, but they have been professional and kept it to themselves.  With that said, it could change at anytime, I understand that.

2. admit that basketball coaches can do some really stupid things.  I am not going to discuss details here, but there have been coaches fired for doing immoral and unethical things.  We are human beings, we will make mistakes...that doesn't make it any less stupid.  I will also admit that I have done some pretty stupid things that haven't broached a fireable offense, but that would be subjective to many people.

With those two things being said, there have been many coaches in the last 5 years that I have noticed that have resigned or been fired that should not have been forced in either situation.  Some of these coaches were successfull, but someone (board/administration) was wanting to make room for someone else (I would not want to coach in that situation at all).  Some of these coaches were let go in the time that their talent level had dipped.  It happens at all schools, but even more so at smaller schools.

Most people don't put much thought into what this pressure puts on a coach, but more importantly to a coaches family.  Most coaches are big boys, or girls, and can handle this...it isn't fun, but they can handle it.  But imagine their wives or children having to hear and deal with these things.  These negative situations are usually public and everyone is dragged through the proverbial mud.  It isn't something that happens when doctors, accountants or salesman lose their jobs.  It isn't fair, but it is part of the job when you take a job like high school basketball coach in Indiana, you realize that it happens.

It's unfortunate to see highly successful coaches who are doing things the right way to be under pressure and then removed.  Believe it or not, most high school coaches are not coaching for the money.  They might be coaching for themselves, their need for competition and their need to feel good about themselves, but most are coaching because they want to compete and want to help kids.  Maybe that is idealistic but it is what I believe.

I think it is important to understand that all coaches do not want to lose.  If winning were easy everybody would be doing it, but we are all trying to beat each other.  Therefore, if your talent level is down that team probably won't do as well.  I think it is important to take into everything that is going on around a program before you remove the coach.  Is the talent down?  Do the kids respect the coach?  Is the coach working hard?  Is the coach a moral guy?  and many other questions that have nothing to do with winning, but.....

I do realize that it is high school basketball in Indiana and that many people want to win.  I understand that at some point if you don't win the grumblings will get louder and louder.  I understand that at some point the administration and school boards may get tired of hearing about the basketball coach (squeeky wheel gets noticed).  I understand that when that happens, they will find anything they can to pressure you to step down or be fired.  I understand all of that, and I understand that it might be time for the coach to go which won't usually be an easy parting.  Think divorce and you understand maybe a little why it could get ugly.

The only thing that I can offer is this and it goes not just for basketball coaches, but in any position where there is negativity.  If you are a supporter, speak up.  Usually people are most vocal when they are unhappy, just look at politics especially during election time.  A small minority can affect the outcome of job positions especially basketball coaches.  If you think your coach is doing a good job, tell the administration and school board members.  I would bet that often the silent majority is shocked and/or upset when something like this happens but hasn't spoken up.  So speak up when you hear rumors or grumblings.

Most people wouldn't understand that high school coaches are pretty close.  We are willing to share information on other teams and even our own philosophies to other coaches.  We are trying to beat each other, but besides our family, we probably support each other more than you could understand and it is because of shared experiences.  This isn't a personal issue for me because of something I have gone through (a coach once told me that there are two types of coaches: those who have been fired and those who will be fired), but it is a personal issue in that I have seen people I consider friends go through this.  It is personal because  I know what we go through as coaches and most coaches, not all, deserve better.